As I mentioned in Opening Opportunities, a random conversation at lunch set in motion a huge series of events. While I was feeling at peace with the decision, it was still a big decision.
I did track down Mr. T’s father. He did acknowledge me and told me he would call last weekend.
He never called.
Tuesday night I took a deep breath and told Mr. T.
ME: So, I found your dad.
T: Yeah?
ME: It was on a professional networking site, I messaged him and gave him my email and cell phone. He did text me back that he would call over the weekend.
T: (hopeful look on his face)
ME: He didn’t call. I’m so sorry. I wanted to just tell him about the random conversation at lunch the other day, and the fact that when I mentioned it to you that you were amicable to talking to him. I was going to get his permission to give you his number and then you could contact him when you were ready. I’m so sorry, but he didn’t call – I guess that is a sign that he’s not ready.
T: That’s okay mom, I’m glad that we tried.
ME: I’m so sorry. But at least we’ve given him the opportunity – like all of the others – maybe one day he’ll be ready.
T: Mom, really, it’s okay, you don’t have to keep apologizing.
What a blessing I have in my son! He’s a great kid and my heart breaks on his behalf. Of course, I’m probably more worried and upset than he is! Now, because I love him so much, you get to be treated to a few pictures of him!
Did That Just Happen Blog 
Oh man, that is so sad. Mr T is a real treasure. My heart breaks for him being so understanding as I’m sure it hurts him inside. He seems to have a maturity beyond his years. Here’s to you doing a bloody fabulous job super mom!! You deserve those memes!!! xx
Thanks, it broke my heart, too. It was just so hard because at the time it felt right, and Mr. T was on board and then to be left hanging like that. So yes, my path is different, and I will take all of those memes I can get! 🙂
There will be a great big emotional payoff one day. There always is.
I’m glad to hear you say that!! Somedays I forget, but you’re right, I don’t have to understand in order to know that it’s going to be okay. Thank you!!
Mr. T sounds like an awesome young man and you are such an awesome mother! You have done such a great job building a life for you and him! Love the pictures! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for saying so! It’s not always easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
And yes, he was just such a cute kid!! 🙂 Not going to even pretend I don’t think so or that your compliment didn’t light me up!
I am sure it has had a lot of moments but I am sure he wouldn’t have had it any other way either! I admire you so much and all single parents.
Yes he was! I love the first one the best! 🙂 Glad I could light you up and make you smile 🙂
Look at this … I go away for a month and what the heck is happening around here? Thanks for sharing your story. I always wondered what the story was about T’s dad. Some days, I don’t know what’s better, not seeing his dad or dealing with him all the time like I have to with Jake’s dad. Mr. T is lucky to have you as his mother 🙂
Thanks! I have to go with the fact that it is easier not to have his dad randomly pop in and out of his life – structured and scheduled a kid can deal with. The flip side is that without his dad around, in T’s mind he can be anything! He can be a super hero! (Fortunately we are passed that and T is grown up enough to know that his mind will wander on him).
All in all, I’ll take not ever having to deal with him! 🙂 I am counting my blessings that I don’t have to – and don’t have to share! 🙂
My neighbor is a single mom like you, her ex hardly ever shows up. Some days I envy her – and now I can add you to my list. Right now, things are quiet between me and jake’s dad so the only thing that sux is when jake leaves to go to his dad’s house. Keep us posted or you know you can email me if you want to talk 🙂
You handled the whole thing with class, grace and dignity. Good for you!! There’s a quote from NCIS (I love Gibbs) I’d like to share with you:
“We certainly cannot pick our fathers…but the real tragedy occurs when our fathers do not pick us.”
Mr. T’s bio-dad has no idea what he’s missing out on. T’s a great kid, just like the woman who raised him.
Oh Holly, thank you! I had to grab a Kleenex! I totally agree that his dad is missing out and I don’t understand why, especially now, when there is nothing left to lose, he made this decision. But… the flip side of that is – I don’t have to share. It sounds petty, but I love the fact that I don’t have to worry about sharing my son!
Thank you so very much, I needed to hear that!
I know it’s not the “right” thing to say but I like not having to share my kiddos too. 😉
LOL! I love it! Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone!
What a lovely picture of you two at the end! And what a wonderful relationship you have!
Thanks! He’s such a blessing to me!
And I simply love that quote about things happening for a reason. I wish I know too.
I love Mr T! How did you bring up single handedly such a fine, decent man?? I have so much to learn from you. He could perfectly understand the situation, how you feel and your feelings are more important than his own! You can’t have a son better than him.
Thank you Christy!! I appreciate your kind words! I’ll admit that most days I’m just making it up as I go along! 🙂 But, it was also a lot of time spent getting to know him, and paying attention to what he responds to best. He really is such a blessing – I know I’ve said that over and over again, but that’s just the best way I know how to describe it!
I love the expression that “things happen for a reason” – but there are too many times that I’d really like to know what the reason is!! A hint – just give me a hint! LOL
Nice job being honest with Mr. T. I hope he feels as loved as he is by you because your love is what matters. The inability to show it on his dad’s part doesn’t mean it isn’t there and he needs to know that too even if it is little consolation. You’ve done a great job!
Thanks Kerry! I’ve always tried to tell him the truth, and since some of the truth will hurt him, I try to make sure that I have lots of love in my heart before I have to talk to him. I mean, I work hard to let go of any anger or resentment I might have and am feeling, because I don’t want that to be part of the conversation. Which of course, helps me too.
Anyway… That was convoluted! Lol. Thank you! I really appreciate the kind words!
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them
I know, but it’s good to hear. I need that reinforcement. The things in life I want to control the most, and are the hardest ones to turn over to Him, are the ones that I really need to!! I did pray the other day “I have no clue, and that’s okay, I’m trusting You.” I think short but to the point worked well that day!
Thank you for sharing the pics of Mr T… and sharing the heartache you have for him… You are an amazing woman. Mr T is blessed to have YOU!
Thank you!! Just when I think I have it all figured out, that’s when the curveball hits. But, I think that’s pretty typical for any parent(s)!! Lol. But really, thank you, it means a lot to me.
What a great kid! You’ve done well with him, it’s obvious from the smile on his face!
Thanks! I’m so blessed with him – he keeps my life interesting that’s for sure!
Do you ever eavesdrop on his conversation with his friends? When my son has friends over its funny to listen to what they talk about!
Always! 🙂 It’s hysterical!
It’s amazing that he can take this so easily. I don’t blame you for feeling bad for him. It sucks that his own father is not ready to have a relationship with him. Huh – ridiculous! Well, he’s lucky to have a great mom.
Thank you MMK! I sure don’t understand his fathers attitude at this point, sigh, but it’s not my job/place. This is one of those things that I really want to be able to control, I don’t want my son to be hurt, so naturally, this is the primary thing in my life that I can’t control! Lol. I wish I knew what was going on in Mr. T’s head so I could adjust and help accordingly; however, I think this is part of his journey and not mine. Thank you so much for your kind words, I truly appreciate it.
You’re welcome Kate.
It seems like T. handles it in a decent way. Good for him.
He sounds like such a nice young man!! He must have a good mom!
🙂 Thanks! I may never win “mother of the year” but I do win “most awesome mom of the day” sometimes!