Shrimp Quesadillas a.k.a. I’m So Hungry!!

I’m starving.  I’ve lived with being starving for months now.  And, when I can eat, I have, which is probably why despite the fact that I’ve seriously reduced my intake I haven’t actually lost more than a pound or two! But, that’s okay.  I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again – as soon as all my tooth work is over, I’m going out and eating everything off the menu at my favorite spot.  And I mean everything! 

Today I had impressions done for my permanent bridge.  It’s more invasive than you think. We tried to get these impressions at my last appointment; however, after five tries, we still didn’t have it and the doc knew that it just wasn’t happening and we rescheduled. Today went much better!

So, while I’m sitting here with an aching mouth wondering how many pain pills I can take before it becomes excessive, I figured I’d share a great entree I’ve made a couple of times.  Mr. T loves this and I have a feeling I’ll be making them for quite a bit longer!

Shrimp Quesadillas:

I diced up some onion and bell pepper and grated a bit of garlic in there and got it started on the stove.

Then I gathered the rest of the ingredients. Some spray butter for the flour tortillas. This gives me nice even coverage. I have pepper jack cheese shown, because this time T and I wanted some spice, but I’ve also made it with queso blanco shredded cheese and that was nice and rich.

I added some lemon and a couple pats of butter and then dropped in some small shrimp. It only takes a few minutes to cook and so I preheat the skillet pan while the shrimp is cooking.

 

This is Shorty keeping me company while I cook. He’s also secretly hoping I’ll drop some cheese or a shrimp. Both of which have happened…

I spray the flour tortilla with butter and drop it on the skillet, top it with cheese and when the cheese starts to melt, I spoon on the shrimp. Usually a couple of big tablespoons full. Then I top it with the other tortilla and spray it with butter and flip it over. It was during one of these flips that a shrimp went flying and I discovered that Shorty does like shrimp!

Once it’s nice and toasty, I drop it on the cutting board and get out my pizza cutter and make four nice little slices.

Spray, stuff and repeat until they are all done! In the mean time I steamed some broccoli and then fixed our plates.

Short of the fact that I stand there like an assembly line – it really is fast and easy and so very tasty!  We had this a few weeks ago and I had it back on the list of meals for the next couple of weeks.  Mr. T was looking at the list and he goes “Hey, can we have shrimp quesadillas soon?”  Well, of course we can! 

One for the Jar

A great weekend was had – great enough that T and I put it in our memory jar (have you seen these on Pinterest? You create a jar and throughout the year you put in memories and good times that you’ve had and you read them at the end of the year.  My Diva’s are all doing this and we will read them at the NYE party this year.  It should be awesome!)

Anyway, it was one for the memory jar.  Friday night Mr. T had his theatre banquet and won two awards! YAY!  Excellence in Acting and Excellence in Tech.  I’m so proud of my guy!

We did get together with the family and celebrated my sister’s birthday and Father’s Day.  There was an odd moment when mom said she wanted to go through Lee’s items.  Neither my sis nor I had any idea this was planned, and it surprised both of us, cause as you know, my mom doesn’t get rid of things.  We did expect that a few sentimental items would be doled out, but never expected, especially so soon, that we’d go through his items.  Well, my sister had a meltdown.  I really thought that I caused it, that I was going through things too quickly and it upset her.  She says it wasn’t me, and after talking to her, I kinda believe her.  She’s just still emotional, and being weeks away from having a baby, a bit more hormonal, too.  Ask how much fun it was to celebrate her birthday after she’s been crying… yeah.

We did survive!  We did not go through the items, though.  And that is okay!

This has no relevance to the story. I just haven’t shared my love of Dean Winchester lately. That is all.

Sunday was a crappy morning, we were running late for church and ended up forgetting a couple of things… and church just drove me nuts.  I’m so struggling there – but working on it and praying about it – and really, T is happy, and that’s all that matters.  We didn’t stay for service, but left and drove through Micky D’s for breakfast and then over to a friends house for a pool party.  So totally worth it! We had so much fun!  Mr. T got lots of compliments, which makes us both glow!

Monday we asked mom and dad if they wanted to meet us for a movie.  Star Trek baby!!  We met at the movie bistro and ordered lunch and watched the movie.  It was awesome! It really made my inner nerd happy!

Today I’m back at work and actually being productive! It helped that my boss is out of town, so I was able to get caught up on a lot of things without his interruptions.  I’m ready for the rest of the week to fly by – and only 5-1/2 more days of school left! Yay!

And now, just cause I love you and we can all use a break, I present a You Tube video that I just love of Jensen and Misha (Dean and Castiel) doing a panel.  Someone from the audience brought an old headshot of Misha… and actually, as I type this, I think I might have shared it with you before… Huh.  Have I blogged so much that I can’t remember what I’ve shared OR do I just love this clip so much that I have to keep sharing?  You be the judge! If I was a good blogger, I’d go back and look and see if I’ve ever titled a blog called “Acting on Camera”.   Well crap, I am a good blogger and I went back and checked, and yes, I have shared this before – but I have some new readers, so I’m sharing it again!  (I’ve had issues with it embedding properly, so if you can’t click to watch, feel free to do the hard work and copy/paste in your browser!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj4kn-RADME

 

Picking up the Pieces.

By nature, I’ve very happy.  I smile and joke about everything.  I am also super positive.

As such, it is very hard on me when I struggle with being depressed.

Fortunately, for me, being depressed manifests in more of an apathetic and listless lifestyle.  I just don’t want to do anything.  I don’t really have the energy to care.  (I think the side result of this is that the people in my life aren’t peppered with so many questions – being nosy, err, I mean curious by nature, I’m all about asking you about you!  So, some people have been spared my constant interrogations questions, and they probably welcome the break!)

What my friends probably feel like when I’m on a roll!

Some people would see it as a good thing that I recognize that I’m struggling and taking the steps to correct it.  Personally, it drives me nuts that I recognize the issues, as I’d like to just wallow a bit more!!  That’s just me being ornery I suppose!

This will not define my life, though.  This is a part of what has happened along my journey, so, I have begun moving forward again.

Last weekend I spent time with the family and then down at my Amy’s for an impromptu pool party.  This weekend has already been busy.  I had lunch with my BA on Friday.  He goes “You look… good.  Considering.”  LOL, Okay, I’ll take that compliment – hey, I’ll take it anytime someone tells me I look good.  I know I do – but it’s cool to hear it reinforced!  Okay, I jest!

If you don’t know Zoolander by heart, you are missing out!

Friday night my mom treated the girls with a trip to the salon.  Okay, this is a funny story.  I’m sitting with BA at lunch and my dad calls to see how I’m doing (I had more massive work done on my mouth this week, 4 hours Tuesday and 4 hours Thursday).  I assured him I was much better.  Then my mom calls.  She wanted to see how I was doing.  I told her I was good.  She then proceeds to tell me that she is meeting my sister and niece at the nail place tonight.  They are all going to get mani/pedi’s and have a girls night.  It’s my nieces first time, so mom is surprising her with the treat. I told them to have fun, it sounded like a blast.

Mom calls me right back.  “I didn’t mean to exclude you!  I know you just got your toes done, though.”  Yeah, three weeks ago…  I told mom that I didn’t feel excluded, it was okay, I wasn’t due for another week.  She goes no, I thought you just did them.  I reminded her that I had them done the day Lee died, cause it was past due and I couldn’t face the family and friends with nasty toes, but it was okay, they should have fun, I didn’t feel excluded at all. Plus, Mr. T has his theatre banquet tonight, so I had to take him back to school at 6:45.  In the end, to satisfy her, I told her that I’d check my budget when I got home, see if my pedicure had come up in the rotation yet, and if so, I’d meet them up there.

I went back to my lunch.  Then I got a text from mom… “My treat, I’ll call and change the appointment to 4 people.  Dad will take care of Mr. T, just bring him to the house”

So – anyway – that’s how I ended up at the nail salon with the other females in the family.  I actually got a manicure! I haven’t had one in like 12 years! There is polish on my fingernails!  The only time this happens is at Halloween, and normally you don’t see that unless we are in the dark – cause I love my glow-in-the-dark polish! 🙂

Then I got my toes done.

It was a fun night!

Today we are celebrating Memorial day, my sister’s birthday and Father’s Day all at the same time.  With my sister just weeks away from having another baby, it’s getting harder for her to make the hour drive over, so we are doing it all in one fell swoop! I hope there is cake.  I want some cake.

Party Time!!

Sunday Mr. T and I are going to a friends house for a pool party – she just got it installed last week, so we all have to go break it in! 🙂  If we didn’t have cake at mom and dad’s, then that’s what I’m taking as my side dish to the party.  I want some cake.

Monday, maybe some of dad’s BBQ ribs, or a nice cool movie theatre (still haven’t had time to go see Star Trek!), we haven’t decided yet.

One way or the other, I’m picking up the pieces in my life and moving forward.

Thank you to all of the military men, women and their families that have kept me safe and allowed me the freedoms that I enjoy.  I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend.

My Cup Runneth Over

I am so very blessed.  I try not to forget this in my everyday life; I frequently say thanks and tell those in my life how much I appreciate them; however, recently my blessing have had a very physical manifestation.

This past month it was made very clear to me how much I am loved and how very fortunate I am to have such wonderful, caring and loving people in my life.

I used to think that everyone else was lucky to have me in their lives – I’m smart, funny, witty and a great listener.  🙂  Now I fully believe that the opposite is true.  I am the lucky one.  I’ve had more people reach out to me than I ever expected.

And it wasn’t out of obligation, either!

I heard from people that genuinely cared! I heard from people that I new in high school, people that I knew when I moved out of the house for the first time.  Mentors that have been there for me since I started in the industry and I heard from the friends I have today.  It was amazing.  I mean, I know I’m loved, who wouldn’t love me, right? (Okay, there are a few, but I think it’s a defect in them, they must be missing the right gene!)

I wanted to just take a minute and not brag or boast, but to tell everyone thanks.  Thanks for loving me.  Thanks for being there for me, for reaching out.  For all of the well-wished, cards, text messages, emails, phone calls and flowers, thank you.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.  I’m blessed and my cup runneth over.

So, feel free to just put You’re Welcome in the comments box, cause you know I’m talking about all of you guys, too!  (And notice that it’s totally against my nature to be so mushy, so I had to throw in some e-cards to lighten the mood!)

I’m Okay

It’s Monday, I’m back at work, technically.  My boss called a bit ago and I told him that yes, I was working; however, I probably wouldn’t make it 8 hours each day.  Fortunately, he’s super cool.  He and his wife attended the memorial service Saturday, and I know it was hard on him, it’s only about the 3rd or 4th funeral he’s ever attended.

I know that I’m grieving, but you wouldn’t know it to look at me (except for the fact that I’m sure there are bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep!).  I’m not crying, I’m not prostrate with grief.  I’m going on with my life.  I’m doing laundry.  As if the fact that my entire bathtub was full of dirty clothes wasn’t enough to tell me that I needed to do it, today I pulled out my last clean pair of underwear! I’ve also spent time cleaning the house, rearranging plants to make room for the ones that my friends and co-workers so generously sent and then more laundry.

How do my friends help me? They all want to, and I feel badly that I can’t give them something to help me with.  They’ve done a great job in making sure that I haven’t felt alone, and when I’ve needed help, I have reached out.  I think it would be easier on them if I was prostrate with grief and then there would be something tangible for them to see and help with.  But, there just isn’t.

I have laundry to do.  I have a son to take care of and I have parents that I have to help as they go through this process.  I feel badly that I’m not struggling more with this, based on what society tells us, I should be more upset, I should need more help.  I’m not sure how to tell my friends, family or even you guys that I am okay.

I am okay with living my life from here on out.  I fully believe that my brother would want that for me.  I’m okay with the changes that have to be made in my life and I am okay that things will never, ever be the same.  Don’t get me wrong, it completely and totally sucks, but, I am okay with that.

Then he kissed the back of my hand…

My parents always knew that they wanted to have 2 kids and to adopt.  So, after me and my sister, they began looking to adopt.  They wanted to adopt a special needs kid, provide a home to a child that might be overlooked.  They were aware of their own limitations and knew that they wanted a child with a physical handicap.  We took sign language classes together for a while when we thought we were getting a deaf sibling.  That fell through and in the end, we found out about Lee.  Lee had a little red triangle that appeared on his forehead above his nose when he cried and got upset.  The Koreans considered that a handicap.  It was meant to be!

Lee at Universal Studios, he’s so strong, he is lifting up the A-Team Van with one hand!

His Korean name is Man Ho Ha and we picked him up from Dallas airport when he was 6 months old.  He was ours from the time he was a month old, but we couldn’t get him until he was 6 months old.  It was amazing.  A Korean woman had traveled with him and several other babies and dropped them off at other stops, and Lee and one other child, a little girl, were her last stop.  We passed him around our arms while at the airport and just couldn’t keep our eyes or hands off of him.  It was a memory that will always stay with me.

He was named Jayman Lee.  Jayman is spelled slightly different from normal so that we could incorporate his Korean name in there – and Lee is a family name.  We just called him Lee.

Through the years, as a good older sister does, I tormented him! I curled his hair and my other sister dressed him up.  Good Times!  Since there is 10 years difference between he and I, we were pretty close.  When he got older, I always took him school supply shopping.  We had season passes to Six Flags for many years.  Apparently, when he and I were younger, I thought I was also his mom.  He would bring home papers from school that were subpar and needed a parents signature, in order to keep him out of trouble I would sign his papers.  Then mom and dad would never know that he didn’t do well.  Yeah, uh, they found out anyway.

It was 10 months ago that he was diagnosed with viral cardiomyopathy.  You have followed my journey with him here on my blog.  After the initial diagnosis, he did good.  We had a few set backs, but overall, he was doing really well managing the condition.  We did have a few scares along the way, but he always pulled through.  In fact, our aunt commented at a family function “you don’t look sick.”  Yeah, she’s that aunt.

Lee’s Senior Picture

A little over a month ago he started not feeling very well.  His meds were adjusted, but he knows is body, and he knew when it was time to go to the ER.

He never left the hospital again.

This kid was amazing.  He took everything that was thrown at him.  We didn’t think he would survive the gallbladder surgery, but he did.  Then he was transferred to UT Southwestern, which is one of the best hospitals for cardiovascular issues.  He seemed to be getting better, but then stopped.  I can’t tell you how many times we were told “he may not make it through the night” but he did.  When he went in for his LVAD surgery, again, we knew he might not survive, but against the odds, he did.  I’m so very proud of my brother for all that he went through and how well he handled it.

There was a Tuesday that I went to visit him in Dallas.  He took my hand and held it.  He told me how much he loved me and how glad he was that I was his sister.  He said that he knows how much crap I put up from him over the years and he was so glad that I was always there to support him.  He also mentioned how thankful he was that I could spend so much time with him in the hospital.  He acknowledged that it couldn’t have been easy for me, but that he wanted me to know how much he appreciated it, and me, and how very much he loved me.

Then he kissed the back of my hand and sat there holding my hand.

That’s the last conversation I had with my brother.

Lee with our nephew

That night he had to be put on the ventilator.  A week later he coded and slipped into a coma.  This Monday, he had a CT scan and we were told that there was swelling in the brain due to damage and that the doctors would not be able to fix that.

It was time.

This Tuesday we gathered by his bedside.  Mom, dad, my sister, my grandmother and I.  We held his hand, kissed his head and said our goodbyes.  When we were ready, we called in the doctors and nurses and they turned off his machines and left us in peace.  We stood by and talked to him, held his hand and we cried as he passed away.

Lee transitioned peacefully to Heaven surrounded by love.  We let him know how much of a blessing he was to us, and that we were letting him go.  He didn’t take long to pass, and we all knew when it happened, you could see the peaceful expression, it was so nice that after such a trying journey, he had found peace.

Last picture of me and Lee, at the hospital

Today we have been busy making the arrangements.  Lee will be cremated and we will have a memorial service this Saturday morning.  I’ve been in contact with family and friends and have been absolutely amazed at the outpouring of love and support I have received.

Lee was well loved, and for a pain in the butt brother, he was pretty darn awesome.

Thank you all for being part of my journey with Lee.

Monday, Monday, Can’t Trust That Day

Let’s back up to Saturday.  Allow me to fill you in.  Mr. T and I got up Saturday and ran by my parents house to pick up some stuff and feed the dogs and then we headed over to Dallas.  We got to see Lee, sit with him, talk to him.  Mr. T went to lunch with my parents and I stayed and kept Lee company.

Lee is still in a coma.  He has been sedated for two weeks, but this last week after a pretty bad incident, he slipped into the coma and hasn’t surfaced yet.  The doctors have said that the congestion in his liver may be a contributing factor and they have worked very hard to get it functioning again.  But, I sat and held his hand, talked to him, read him updates from his Facebook.  Read him the well-wishes from mine.  It is hard to look at him and not see my brother. This is not what is suppose to happen to my brother.  My sister had told/warned me about some of the things I would see, but until you are there, until you are in this situation, you can’t comprehend it – and there aren’t enough words for me to make you understand.  I stayed for a little over an hour and then Mr. T and I left.

We went straight to the movies.  Iron Man 3.  I’ve read mixed reviews about it – but I’ll tell ya, I really enjoyed it!  It was a good movie, fun to watch, filled with action and the snappy one-liners you’ve come to expect.  And I really love the relationship between Tony Stark and Pepper Potts.  They aren’t all lovey-dovey (which drives me nuts) but there are times when Tony looks at Pepper and you can see that he would indeed, die for her.  It was good – plus, it was a good way to cleanse our palate after the visit with Lee.

We no sooner got home and changed clothes, and Mr. T took off on his bike, that my dad called.  He was on his way home… apparently when my grandmother couldn’t reach me to verify I had fed the dogs, she came over to feed them and discovered that the downstairs bedrooms were flooded.  Now, I had been in those bedrooms on Friday and they were fine. She got there Saturday afternoon and they weren’t.  It’s a really good thing she couldn’t reach me and went to their house.  The downstairs bedrooms have a Jack and Jill set up (which means the two bedrooms have a bathroom in between them) and apparently the supply line for one of the sinks ruptured… not good.  Dad asked if I would bring Mr. T over to help him move furniture.  No problem.

Or so I thought.  I called him and called him and called him.  I stood outside waiting for him to ride by on his bike so I could get his attention.  After 20-30 minutes I got in the car and drove all over the neighborhood… three time.  Finally, after almost an hour, I couldn’t leave dad in the lurch, so I headed over there.  (Oh, and I texted T’s phone, his iPod and tweeted him to call me!!)

he did eventually call me – he had forgotten his phone at home…

Most of mom and dad’s furniture are antique – and these two bedrooms are filled with furniture from my great-grandmother’s house.  And, my parents are pack rats.  So all of the furniture is stuffed full.  Dad and I moved out as much as we could.  We emptied out the closet floors that were impacted.  We worked up a sweat.  Then it was time to tackle the plumbing.  Oh my goodness.  This faucet was insane.  I mean, there is no way a human designed how this faucet was put together – it was way too diabolical.  Hours later, dad gave up and just took the entire thing with him to Home Depot.  He picked up Mr. T on the way and then picked up tacos on the way back.  I stuck around and waiting with Dalworth Restoration did their thing.  They suctioned up about 50 gallons of water from the bedrooms.  And left behind about 6 industrial fans and one de-humidifier.

Thank goodness the flood wasn’t this bad!

By Sunday I was pretty exhausted!

Now it is Monday.  Lee isn’t doing well.  He had upper and lower GI bleeding and they took him in for a CT scan of his brain this morning.  The CT originally wasn’t scheduled to happen until later this week.  My sister and I (and several others) are impatiently awaiting the results.  I know that they are looking for brain activity.  His pupil responses are getting slower, he is not reacting to pain and he is only kinda controlling his breathing.  It’s just not looking good.  My dad has already asked, and my sister and I both said yes, if they take him off life support, we want to be there.  I don’t know if it is funny or sad, but the kids have already told my sister and I some of the items they want if “worst case scenario”.  I’m actually okay with that.  There was a moment of shock, and then I realized that it’s just part of the process.  I was, however, hesitant to mention it to my sister, and felt a huge wave of relief when she said her kids had done the same thing!  It helps with my kid isn’t the only one!!

I’m sitting here waiting for Dalworth to make it by to check the saturation levels in the bedrooms.  It will take a couple of days to dry out – but the fortunate thing is that it was clean water, and we caught it so soon – we don’t have to replace any carpet or drywall.  So, yeah, I’ll take that little victory!

But still, I don’t trust Mondays anymore…