You Can’t Make This Stuff Up!

I know I just blogged yesterday and I hate to flood your in-box or your reader with too many postings, but dude…you can’t make up the stuff that happens in my life. I have to start from Monday night. 

I was just uncomfortable, so I announced that I had to take my bra off.  Yes, I make random announcements like that.  Mr. T responded that he didn’t have that problem, but “I know how to take one off of a girl with one hand.”  After a momentary pause, I just looked at him and said “I don’t need to know things like that, I really don’t” and then continued on my way. 

Tuesday we got up, I took Mr. T to school early for math, came home and worked for a few hours, left for a lunch meeting with Nacho.  We went to Macaroni Grill, and, I’ve never really been impressed by that place.  I was impressed that while they had white linen napkins as standard, they did have a black napkin available when I asked (because when you are wearing black slacks, you don’t want all of the lint from the white napkin).  The food was okay, but the company was exceptional.  So, I was happy. 

Tuesday afternoon I had a dental appointment.  I was having a tooth extracted.  Several dentists told me that it would be okay and extraction was my best option.  Okay, no problem.  I can do this.  As much as I hate work being done in my mouth, I’ve been told this is all standard.  Being a single mom, I am use to having stuff done and having to continue on with my day.  I did not make other arrangements. 

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My tooth was not near as happy as this tooth is…

I sit in the chair; they want to take more x-rays, because something doesn’t look right.  Whatever.  Are you sure you can’t use the ones that my dentist sent over? Why, yes you can.  Good.  Let’s get this thing started.  Now, my phone has been quiet all day long.  Until they started working in my mouth and then it blew up.  I’m telling you, my pocket was vibrating almost the entire time I was in the chair. 

I will admit that the team did a great job.  They really did a wonderful job.  It’s not their fault that my tooth was up in my sinus cavity (not sure how that is possible).  But they sat my chair up and I told them that my phone was blowing up during the procedure.  They laughed and told me that they noticed!  We went over my post-op do’s and don’ts and I said I needed to just sit here for a minute.  I took my phone out and noticed a call and voice mail from my boss (that can wait) and two calls from my mom along with a text from her “Answer your phone” (that can’t wait).

Now, it drives my mom nuts that my phone is always attached to me, but man, when I don’t answer her calls she tends to get testy.  She tends to call back over and over until I answer.  For example, when I’m on the phone and she beeps in and I silence her – she calls right back – which makes me think something, is wrong.  When I didn’t answer and she sent me the “Answer your phone” text, I assume something is wrong.  I stepped away and called my mom.  And, this has to have been one of our best conversations. 

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My phone was not as happy during this conversation as this phone apparently is…

Mom: I’m reading your sister’s poem

Me: Okay (speaking through a clenched jaw, cause I have to hold the gauze in place)

Mom: Have you read it yet?

Me: No, I was having a tooth pulled.

Mom: Is there something you know about her that I don’t?

Me: No

Mom: Have you read the poem? Well, I guess if you were having a tooth pulled you probably haven’t read it yet…

Me: No, not yet.  So, is she suicidal or pregnant?  (I was literally reaching for the two worst things in the world that I could come up with)

(Pause)

Mom: pregnant

(Bigger pause)

Me:  I gotta go pay for this and read my emails.  I’ll call you back.

I paid my bill – which was the high end of the estimate due to the extra work – and went to Walgreens to turn in my script for pain meds.  I sat down and pulled up my emails.  Found the poem from my sister announcing that she’s pregnant – 6 months along to be exact – I had to have my friend Erica do the math for me.  I just couldn’t think straight. 

It was time to call my mom back.  We talked a bit.  I got home.  Took a pain pill, changed my gauze, texted those I needed to and then called my dad.  We talked a bit and at the end of the conversation he offered to go pick Mr. T up for me.  What a blessing.  Mom called to check on me and asked about food… I told her there were left overs for Mr. T and I just wasn’t going to eat.  She said I needed a chocolate malt and she’d call dad and have him pick me up one when he got Mr. T.  Okay, that was pretty darn awesome.  I’m glad mom made me have one and I’m so glad dad picked it up.  That was the perfect dinner. 

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Best dinner ever

Let’s recap:

  • My 14 year old can undo a bra with one hand,
  • I had a tooth extracted and am in considerable pain
  • My sister is pregnant. 

It is now 24 hours later and I’m exhausted, and taking my bra off again.  The wire is poking out, so on top of everything, my bra is broke.  Go figure. 

Yes, all of that just happened, and all in a 24 hour period.  I told you that you couldn’t make up the stuff that happens in my life! 

 (As an extra note – I took my brother Lee to his cardiologist appointment today.  Said he is looking and doing good.  We are in a holding pattern, not changing anything, waiting for his surgery to implant his defibrillator in April. It was a very positive appointment and they said that Lee is doing great.) 

Seriously, who is running the ad agencies now?

I loathe most commercials, well, we all probably do.  I’m sure I’m not alone.  At least, I hope I am not alone in this! 

The problem is, I think the commercials are getting worse.  Who is running the ad agencies now, and what on earth are we doing to make them think that they are doing a good job?  Have we, as a culture, become so blase’ that we stop paying attention unless the commercial is insanely annoying??

I will never eat another Kit-Kat bar.  Those commercials are beyond irritating.  I don’t need to hear people eating.  I really don’t.  

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I totally suffer from this!

I will never eat McDonald’s fish bites.  Mainly because I’m not sure what fish they are using, but also, cause, uh, have you seen those commercials??  If anyone says Fishy-Fishy to me I will smack you.  Right in the mouth.  Not joking.

I will never eat at Blimpies.  Fat girl walking into a place named Blimp.  Not gonna happen.  

I cannot switch my phone service to Verizon.  Do you remember that commercial when the mom was bawling and screaming uncontrollably because her daughter was leaving for college.  Yeah, not going to happen.  

How about how mean Best Buy was over the holiday season?  They were so mean to Santa, made a point to wait up and point out to him that they beat him to the punch.  I found those commercials awful.  I didn’t buy anything from Best Buy last season.  That may be why they are in danger of going out of business.  You should never be mean to Santa (Okay, you should never be mean, period.)

Maybe we should thank Netflix or Amazon video on demand, because now that we can skip through commercials, the ad agencies are trying their best to get our attention.

All I know is that I change channels not to see what else is on, but to avoid all of the commercials that drive me nuts.  And I will continue to do so.  I will also start recording more shows, that way, I can come in 10 minutes late and fast forward through the gut-wrenching, cringe inducing and eye and ear covering commercials.  I just can’t take it anymore.

Of course, Mr. T gets a laugh out of it when we’re sitting nicely on the couch and all of the sudden I make the halfpipe double rounder triple axle move to get to the remote so I can change the channel.  Sometimes it’s pretty funny.  Worth watching TV with me just to see what is going to send me vaulting over the edge of the couch to find the remote! 

 

 

In Honor of my Toe, a List of Ten Things

I’m struggling today.  It all just sucks right now.  The least of my issues is my big toe.

Monday, on my day off, my mom called and needed me to move some furniture. Which I grudgingly did.  As Mr. T and I were placing an item in their garage, somehow or another, I stubbed my toe on the piece.  That’s not the bad part. It ripped half of my toe nail off.  That freaking hurts! And, here it is days later and it’s still seeping blood.  I was able to drip some hydrogen peroxide over it today to clean it; however, I’m still upset over it.  This ruins my entire summer.  I don’t think I’ll get a discount on my pedicure because they are only doing 9 out of the 10 toes!! So, my ugly toe will be the talk of the pool this summer.  My pedicure time has been interrupted and my feet won’t shine in their flip flops this summer.  This is a big deal in my world.  My toes are always beautiful, decorated, and the envy of all my friends.  I’m not a girly-girl, and half of my fingernails are broken, but my toes, oh my toes, they always look so good.

So, due to my ten toes, and in honor of the one that is injured – here is a list of ten things that I felt like sharing!

  1. I want to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer when I grow up.  She’s a total bad-ass, has a great fashion sense and can kill vamps like nobody’s business.  I think I have more earrings than she does; however, I totally believe I can pull it off.
  2. yes I have tattoos
  3. Why are chocolate covered cherries so popular at Christmas time?  Why don’t we buy them for each other at other times of the year? And, why do we like them?
  4. There should be more tie-dye socks in the world.  I’m going to have to break down and make me some.
  5. be who you are
  6. I will watch Clueless every time it comes on TV, the lessons are never ending! Plus, I love Paul Rudd, loved him before any of you even knew who he was!
  7. You know the expression “Stop and smell the roses”?  Yeah, I do that
  8. life is better in flip flops
  9. If a recipe has 25 ingredients, you can guarantee I’m not making it.  So, as lovely as the Pioneer Woman’s Thai Chicken Wrap looks, that just isn’t happening.  But…now I’m hungry.  And I want chicken wraps.  Especially ones made with 25 ingredients.
  10. Life is Good!

Okay, there is my list of ten things in honor of my ten toes.  I hope at least one item brought a smile to your face!

Have You Ever Wanted to Run Away?

That’s exactly what I did this weekend.  I ran away.  From it all.  Just took off.

Saturday I had to take Mr. T to school so he could get to a UIL Theatre clinic.  He didn’t have to be there until noon, so we had a slow morning and as I sat there enjoying my cup of coffee, I got to thinking.  My plans were to take T to lunch, drop him off at school and then go to my friend Karaboo’s house.  We have been working on our Halloween costumes, and her 2nd bathroom, getting the remodeling finished. That was on the schedule.  It was all planned.

So, I sent her a text… “Want to run away? Head up to the casino?”

Ready to run away with me yet?

Ready to run away with me yet?

It was going to be a beautiful day – cold, but beautiful.  I didn’t want to be inside.  I didn’t want to do what I was supposed to be doing.  I wanted to run away.

After a few texts back and forth, I was told to go ahead and sound the alarm.  So, I put out text to the group.  I got back the following responses: previous plans, t-ball with the kid, getting ready for the cruise, and the best – still drunk from the night before.  Man, I love my girls.  We are so very different from one another, but yet, it just works.  But, as awesome as they are, that’s not the point!

I took T to lunch, just a little one on one time for the two of us.  We were sitting there and waiting and playing and talking – and we hacked the Wi-Fi at the restaurant.  Yup, that’s just how we roll. Make me wait too long and I get into trouble – obviously the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, because Mr. T is actually the one that guessed the correct password!

Lunch was wonderful; it was some good quality time together.  I ran him over to the school, said our goodbyes and headed for Karaboo’s.  I got there and she was putting on the second coat of paint.  Her primary goal was around the electrical boxes, so that on Sunday her husband could hook up the light switches.  She actually got a lot accomplished!  Then I walked in.  I was ready to help her.  I was taking off my jacket… and nope.  We were running away!

Away we ran!  Well, we got in the car, stopped by the bank and then the gas station, she filled up the car and I grabbed us some Coke’s.  Then, away we ran!  We hit the freeway, and just kept driving.  And driving, and driving.  And then that’s when we realized we’d missed our exit.  Technically, she missed it, because I didn’t know what exit we were looking for!  I’m totally putting that on her!  Not really, we were talking, and engaged in great conversation and the road slipped away from us! So, we turned the car around, and then, yet again, away we ran! Free like the wind!

Road Work Ahead, the most common and most dreaded sign in our fair cities!

Road Work Ahead, the most common and most dreaded sign in our fair cities!

Until we ran into road work and then we had to slow down.  Then we had to stop, merge into one lane, travel a bit, and then – Away we ran!  It was smooth sailing the rest of the way up to the casino.  We arrived a bit later than anticipated, but we arrived.  I got me a player’s card and off we went! It was fun! I hadn’t been to this casino yet, so I got to explore!  I like walking around, taking it all in, and stopping to play the slots.  I spent my teenage years in Reno, NV, where gambling is legal, and there are slot machines in the grocery stores and your neighborhood 7-11, so gambling doesn’t hold a big thrill for me, I just like to go and enjoy, to participate in life.  Now, don’t get me wrong – I love it when I win! But, even if I don’t, I never consider it wasted time.

We talked, and played, and walked around.  I like to stare at all the different machines, look at the pretty pictures and bright lights!  Occasionally either she or I would stop and we’d hit a machine.  It was perfect.  It was relaxing.  I didn’t have to do anything or be anything to anyone.  Ahhhh… feel that?  That was the tension leaving my body.

After a couple of hours, we were done, and back in the car headed home.  Yes, I ran away – but my responsibilities were covered.  More importantly, I came back.  I needed the break, and I found it very healthy.  As a result, I’m a better person today.

And, for those keeping score – I did something spontaneous!  This is so outside my character, that I get major points for this road trip!  Even Erica commented on my FB post how proud she was of me!  This is a big deal in my life!  I had the time, and I was spontaneous with it!

Yay! Go me!

Yay

Happy Anti-Valentine’s Day!

First off, let me tell you that being a grown up sucks.  I’m reminded of that every year on Valentine’s Day.  You know how I finally knew I was a grown up? I didn’t get a chocolate heart from my parents.  That was a bad year.  Fortunately, my parents decided the same year to stop giving my sister and I our annual treat – so at least I got four more years than she did! hehehehe. I’m so awful!!

I did wake Mr. T up this morning and give him a card and his heart full of chocolates.  Due to the fact that he had wrestling practice this morning and had to be at school at 6:45, I have no idea if he got to have a piece before we left – I’m sure he did though! I worked for a couple of hours and then got ready for lunch with Bert.

Me and Bert at Christmastime

Me and Bert at Christmastime

Bert is my friend, and in the same industry.  He calls on me professionally, so I see him every month or two, but as friends, we text almost every day. Last year Bert and I decided to have lunch, on Valentine’s Day.  It’s a time where we get together and eat and talk and laugh, and be very, very cynical!  It’s what we do best!  Okay, he’s better at it than I am, but, it’s all good.  I’ll let him be cynical, cause he pays for my lunch! In that spirit, we decided to call it our Anti-Valentine’s Day Date.  Don’t ask me why.  It’s just how we roll!

Today was our second annual Anti-Valentine’s Day date, and it was by far our best one yet!  We met at the same Mexican food restaurant, and boy did we pig out!  It was so good, so very good.  We caught each other up on our lives.  You’d think that since we text every day, we’d know everything there was; however, there are some things that can only be shared face-to-face.  He had to tell me about a Stage 5 Clinger that he’s somehow picked up.  Okay, I know how he picked the clinger up, he didn’t listen to me.  I was very clear; however, he was very drunk!  This happened at one of the few events that he attended without me.  We’ll be in Houston in June, and I’ve promised to stick by his side.  He thinks it’s to protect him, but we all know that it’s for the free drinks.  🙂  I kid, I love Bert, he’s a hoot.  While, I’d like to feel sorry for him and the Stage 5 Clinger, I can’t.

Once I got all of my “I told you so’s!!” out of the way we got down to business.  It was good to sit and catch up.  Expand on everything that we’d only touched about in our daily texts.  We talk about mutual friends, of which there are many, catch each other up on industry gossip, discuss our kids and generally just enjoy each others company.  It’s one of my favorite days of the year.  Right up there with my annual margarita Christmas lunch with TD.  Oh, and Bert got me the biggest heart full of chocolates I’m sure the store had AND a box of turtles.  Oh emm gee.  A girl can’t be any luckier than to have friends like mine!

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It’s okay to be jealous!

One the way home, I called the local take’n bake pizza joint and put my name on a heart shaped pizza.  The past four years, this has been dinner for me and T.  He always loved that we got pizza on a school night, and the fact that it was heart shaped, well, he tolerated it because I get such a kick out of it.  I also stopped by 7-11 for a pint of vanilla ice cream.  I have a brownie mix just calling my name – and it’s Valentines Day, a regular brownie just won’t cut it, I think we need a brownie fudge sundae!

Then, I dropped the chocolates, pizza and ice cream at home and turned around and left again.  I have worked for a month on Bert’s anti-valentine gift.  I put some serious thought into it, I enlisted the help of one of his best friends and I finally made him the best gift a guy could get.  And walked off and left it when I left for lunch.  So, I headed up to the mail center and had them ship it, just a couple of cities over, for me.  Seriously, the postage cost almost as much as the gift did!  But, it’s worth it.  He’s going to love it when he finally gets it.  But really, I’ve had the gift done for a week.  It’s sitting on the top shelf of the secretary, right above where my purse is!!  I literally was inches from the gift and FORGOT TO TAKE IT!!!  Yup, that just happened.

The gift that got left behind...

The gift that got left behind…It has manly items like beef jerky, pistachio’s and his favorite part, four different types of whiskey.  

In conclusion, Happy Anti-Valentine’s Day to everyone out there!

 

My Daily Routine

Most days, I feel like this:

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Today, I’m actually struggling to be motivated.  I’ve tried to write this blog twice so far.  If third time isn’t a charm, then you will not ever see this!

I realized that I put a load of towels in the dryer and forgot to hit the start button last night.  Yup.  That’s how my day has gone.

I wanted to blog that I’m not feeling motivated.  I wanted to let you know that I have a cleaning schedule.  One small item every day and it means a clean house on Friday so that I have my weekends free.  I love that list.  Yeah, I haven’t done it in 3 weeks.  Not to say I haven’t cleaned anything in 3 weeks, well, okay, there are parts of my house I haven’t cleaned in 3 weeks.

All I know is that today, I’m not being amazing.

That is about to change.  I’ve now put it out to the Universe and I’m going to catch up on my cleaning schedule.  I’m going to step back on the evil instrument of death, also known as my elliptical machine and get my heart rate up. I’m going to get the laundry finished, including dried.  I’m also going to get in my full 8 or so work hours today and get to a good place there.

Bugger it, I forgot to get the meal in the crock pot this morning.  I’m going to do that first.  After I check emails.  And then I have to pee.

Just out of curiosity, how many more times do I have to use my evil instrument of death before my thighs don’t hurt?  I can’t remember.  All I know is that it hurts to sit down to pee. I guess the more accurate statement is that it hurts to sit down, but I really notice it when I’m about to pee.  Just wondering.