You Can’t Make This Stuff Up!

I know I just blogged yesterday and I hate to flood your in-box or your reader with too many postings, but dude…you can’t make up the stuff that happens in my life. I have to start from Monday night. 

I was just uncomfortable, so I announced that I had to take my bra off.  Yes, I make random announcements like that.  Mr. T responded that he didn’t have that problem, but “I know how to take one off of a girl with one hand.”  After a momentary pause, I just looked at him and said “I don’t need to know things like that, I really don’t” and then continued on my way. 

Tuesday we got up, I took Mr. T to school early for math, came home and worked for a few hours, left for a lunch meeting with Nacho.  We went to Macaroni Grill, and, I’ve never really been impressed by that place.  I was impressed that while they had white linen napkins as standard, they did have a black napkin available when I asked (because when you are wearing black slacks, you don’t want all of the lint from the white napkin).  The food was okay, but the company was exceptional.  So, I was happy. 

Tuesday afternoon I had a dental appointment.  I was having a tooth extracted.  Several dentists told me that it would be okay and extraction was my best option.  Okay, no problem.  I can do this.  As much as I hate work being done in my mouth, I’ve been told this is all standard.  Being a single mom, I am use to having stuff done and having to continue on with my day.  I did not make other arrangements. 

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My tooth was not near as happy as this tooth is…

I sit in the chair; they want to take more x-rays, because something doesn’t look right.  Whatever.  Are you sure you can’t use the ones that my dentist sent over? Why, yes you can.  Good.  Let’s get this thing started.  Now, my phone has been quiet all day long.  Until they started working in my mouth and then it blew up.  I’m telling you, my pocket was vibrating almost the entire time I was in the chair. 

I will admit that the team did a great job.  They really did a wonderful job.  It’s not their fault that my tooth was up in my sinus cavity (not sure how that is possible).  But they sat my chair up and I told them that my phone was blowing up during the procedure.  They laughed and told me that they noticed!  We went over my post-op do’s and don’ts and I said I needed to just sit here for a minute.  I took my phone out and noticed a call and voice mail from my boss (that can wait) and two calls from my mom along with a text from her “Answer your phone” (that can’t wait).

Now, it drives my mom nuts that my phone is always attached to me, but man, when I don’t answer her calls she tends to get testy.  She tends to call back over and over until I answer.  For example, when I’m on the phone and she beeps in and I silence her – she calls right back – which makes me think something, is wrong.  When I didn’t answer and she sent me the “Answer your phone” text, I assume something is wrong.  I stepped away and called my mom.  And, this has to have been one of our best conversations. 

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My phone was not as happy during this conversation as this phone apparently is…

Mom: I’m reading your sister’s poem

Me: Okay (speaking through a clenched jaw, cause I have to hold the gauze in place)

Mom: Have you read it yet?

Me: No, I was having a tooth pulled.

Mom: Is there something you know about her that I don’t?

Me: No

Mom: Have you read the poem? Well, I guess if you were having a tooth pulled you probably haven’t read it yet…

Me: No, not yet.  So, is she suicidal or pregnant?  (I was literally reaching for the two worst things in the world that I could come up with)

(Pause)

Mom: pregnant

(Bigger pause)

Me:  I gotta go pay for this and read my emails.  I’ll call you back.

I paid my bill – which was the high end of the estimate due to the extra work – and went to Walgreens to turn in my script for pain meds.  I sat down and pulled up my emails.  Found the poem from my sister announcing that she’s pregnant – 6 months along to be exact – I had to have my friend Erica do the math for me.  I just couldn’t think straight. 

It was time to call my mom back.  We talked a bit.  I got home.  Took a pain pill, changed my gauze, texted those I needed to and then called my dad.  We talked a bit and at the end of the conversation he offered to go pick Mr. T up for me.  What a blessing.  Mom called to check on me and asked about food… I told her there were left overs for Mr. T and I just wasn’t going to eat.  She said I needed a chocolate malt and she’d call dad and have him pick me up one when he got Mr. T.  Okay, that was pretty darn awesome.  I’m glad mom made me have one and I’m so glad dad picked it up.  That was the perfect dinner. 

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Best dinner ever

Let’s recap:

  • My 14 year old can undo a bra with one hand,
  • I had a tooth extracted and am in considerable pain
  • My sister is pregnant. 

It is now 24 hours later and I’m exhausted, and taking my bra off again.  The wire is poking out, so on top of everything, my bra is broke.  Go figure. 

Yes, all of that just happened, and all in a 24 hour period.  I told you that you couldn’t make up the stuff that happens in my life! 

 (As an extra note – I took my brother Lee to his cardiologist appointment today.  Said he is looking and doing good.  We are in a holding pattern, not changing anything, waiting for his surgery to implant his defibrillator in April. It was a very positive appointment and they said that Lee is doing great.) 

Shaving Legs

A friend of mine called the other day and told me she totally had a “did that just happen” moment, but couldn’t blog about it on her site, cause it was waaaay too much information.  So, naturally, since I’m happy to share other’s issues as well as my own and make them public (well, how public is it when you have like 9 readers??) I decided to share her TMI story.  

She’s pregnant.  And I mean waaaay pregnant.  Okay, she’s not that far along, but as this is her 2nd child, she started to show pretty darn early.  I saw her the other day and even though she told me not to react, I couldn’t help it, my eyes did the cartoon WAAHOOOGAAA as they popped out of my head and landed on her belly.  I’m sure I covered my reaction just fine… Anyway, there is like this huge basketball under her shirt.  I think that’s the best description I can give, she has a basketball in her belly.  So, she went to shave her legs the other day – and apparently she twisted and turned and propped and bent in all sorts of funny ways.  It’s not easy to shave your legs when there is a basketball constantly in your way!  When she was finally done, and had gotten every last piece of hair, she was exhausted! LOL.  She got out of the shower thanking God that no one saw her attempting to do that!  She told me that the moment she stepped out, after she was grateful that no one saw that, her first thought was “did that really just happen?”.  🙂

Of course, what I didn’t tell her was that it’ll get worse.  At least, it did for me. Let’s travel back in time a bit to when Mr. T was little.  Being a single parent, there are concessions that have to be made for the safety of your children.  When he was tiny, I could put him in his bouncy seat and put it on the floor of the bathroom while I showered.  Now, normally, I would get up before him, shower and get dressed, so that it was done and out of the way, but occasionally life interrupted my plans and so when he was older, I’d plop him in the shower with me.  He was too young and doesn’t remember any of this, trust me.  But, we’d shower together, it got him clean and he really did enjoy sitting at the back of the tub with the random shower of water hitting him while he played with his toys.  Anyway… One day I was washing my hair and felt something on the back of my legs.  I thought he was tickling me.  He was going up and down the back of my calf.  I rinsed my hair, looked down to play along… and the kid had the razor and was shaving my legs.  Moment of panic sets in – how on earth did he get the razor?  Is he okay? Did he cut himself?  Nope, all is good, he was just helping mommy out by shaving her legs like he had watched her do.  

Needless to say, at that point I was much more vigilant about getting up and showering before he woke up.  Which is why, to this day, I’m still an early riser!  I got out of the shower that day going “holy moley, did that just happen??”  

Several years later, once I felt it was safe to retell the story, my aunt got a knowing look on her face about half way through my tale… her son had done that to her, too!  So, it’s a relief to know that Yes, That Really Did Just Happen! 

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