And This is Why I Hate Yoga

I had a credit at a store so I ordered a yoga DVD.

I love the idea of yoga. The reality is different.

Let’s start with the one that sounds easy:

Child’s pose

Now, my forehead can touch the mat and my butt can touch my heels.  But not at the same time.  I was alternating between butt in the air or chin jutting out trying to touch the mat with that.

It gets better.

Let’s move onto Seated Spinal Twist:

I did the first side pretty well.  Then it was time to switch sides.  For the life of me I could not get my one leg over the other leg and after extra maneuvering, I managed to finally get into position… and that was when the move was over and she was “moving back to center.”


But wait, there is more!

The next one was called Pigeon Pose.  Yes, it was just as much fun as it sounded, if getting pooped on by a Pigeon sounds like fun to you.  Because I was a few steps behind, I heard her call it out, and by the time I looked up, she was in this pose:


I told the TV that it was nuts! Then I tried to figure out how to modify that move.

There are 20 more minutes of the DVD left.  I’m a bit scared.

If she asks me to do this next picture, then I’m selling this DVD.

PS.  I’m not using a DVD by any of the people pictured above, they were just the first pictures I ran across.

PPS. Currently I hate all of you yoga people.  You know who you are with your hot yoga and your couples yoga and your aerial yoga.  You all suck.

PPPS.  Fine.  I don’t hate you.  I think it defeats the purpose of the previous 42 minutes of yoga that I’ve done if I invoke hate so soon.