The Waiting Game

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VaugeBooking idiot

While this post doesn’t have any details, I am NOT doing a vaguebook, er, vaguepost.

I’m not sure vaguepost was a thing before, but it is now!

Because we all now I’m such a trendsetter.

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But I am stuck in a waiting game!  Like an endless loop of waiting and waiting and waiting.  And waiting

Have y’all met me? Type A control freak that makes a decision faster than most should ever be made? Yeah, me.

I don’t like to wait.

So, I am opening myself up to the experience that will eventually make its way to me, and I hope to learn something in the process. I am practicing letting go – which in my case, is that I’m not attached to the outcome.  And I’m doing pretty good at it…

But seriously, who drags stuff out? Don’t tell me on Monday you’ll call this weekend… I want to know now!!

This is life altering stuff.  Don’t make me wait!

Okay, maybe not life altering.

Okay, not life altering at all, pretty much not important to anyone besides me and like 2 people, but that’s not the point!! Waiting should be on the list of cruel and unusual torture punishment!

Dean Winchester waiting

Look! I found a gif of Dean Winchester – waiting!  It has been way too long since Supernatural made an appearance over here! (And oh my gosh, they came back from their midseason break with a bang!)

So, on one hand:

Don't rush things, anythign worth having is worth waiting for

Okay, I’ll wait.  But on the other hand:

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Well, I don’t want my chance to go by!

But then, there is patience, and well, that applies to every day (and I’m way better about acting good while waiting!)

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(I don’t think this post should count towards how I act when waiting… but, if you can’t see me constantly tapping my foot, then it might not be happening – so maybe this post isn’t me being impatient and bringing y’all along for the ride, maybe I’m just sharing my life!)

Who am I kidding – I’m impatient and bringing y’all along for the ride!!

Life is too short to wait

I sense my new motto!

Happy Wednesday everyone!

And yes, all is well, no one is sick or dying.  And in the grand scheme of things, I’ll have forgotten this by next week… the point really is just how I’m not a fan of waiting! When I went back and read this, I realized I might need to clear that up!

A Year Later

It has been over a year since I last talked to my brother and today marks the one year anniversary of his passing.  At times it is still surreal.  Just the other day Mr. T asked if I had seen the trailer for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie, and I said no, and he goes “It’s totally different.  I hate that Uncle Lee won’t be able to go see the movie with us.”  Uncle Lee did love TMNT growing up, and we’ve all seen the earlier movies a hundred times because he loved them – and yes, I hate that he won’t be here to go see the movie with us, too.

TMNT New

New look of TMNT

TMNT What have they done

TMNT Old School wondering “what have they done to us?”

 

Many of you were with me as I went through this journey, and you met Lee and learned about CRRT and how a mechanical heart works! While it really feels like it took a long time, it was 9 months from start to finish and one month from the time he started having real issues until his passing.

Several months ago I went through my Facebook feed and made a copy of all of my updates on Lee, I wanted to make sure I always had them, and today I am sharing them with you.

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April 6, 2013

Keep Lee in your thoughts and prayers. The meds he was put on to help his diabetes have made him sick, he’s switching to a new med, but still has to suffer thru the weekend while the old ones work out if his system. Please and thanks!

 

April 8, 2013

Lee is being admitted to the ICU for observation and monitoring. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. His blood pressure is very low and there are some other issues. Thanks!

 

April 9, 2013

I’m sitting on one side of Lee’s bed and mom is on the other. I’m checking emails and watching TV and for the last couple of minutes I just keep hearing mom giggle. Silence and then a giggle. Silence and then giggle, giggle. Not sure what she’s doing, but apparently that side of the bed is funnier!

 

April 9, 2013

(Mom’s post) I am asking everyone to put our son Lee in their prayers tonight. He is in ICU and is scheduled for surgery tomorrow. There is real concern about how his heart is going to handle the surgery. Please keep him in your prayers. He is being a trouper but his heart just isn’t helping him

 

April 10, 2013

Lee is out of surgery. He did good! He gets to go straight back to his room in the ICU and do his recovery there. Thanks to everyone for the prayers and the reaching out. Please continue to pray for his recovery.

 

April 11, 2013

Lee had a rough morning and his kidneys didn’t kick start like we wanted. So he had a port installed this afternoon so that dialysis could be administered. This will be a continuous bedside treatment to slowly clean his blood and remove the toxins. This should make it easier for his body to then work on its own. Thanks for the prayers and support. Let me know if you have any questions! And he had really appreciated the well wishes that have come his way!

Last picture of Lee and I together.

April 12, 2013

Lee is much more lucid today, which helps me out, I can tell what he’s saying, lol. The dialysis is working and his kidneys look good. His liver doesn’t look so good, tho, so we are calling in a new doctor for help. As always, thanks for the prayers and support!

 

April 12, 2013

We were told that Lee’s recovery would be up and down, and despite the setbacks, we do seem to be moving forward. Lee met some new doctors today. We’ve seen the GI doc, who is running some tests and had an ultrasound done on the liver, and we’ve seen the infectious disease doc who will just watch for a few days. Hopefully we can find out if something is wrong with his liver (it’s still congested) or if the issue is heart related. He slept a good portion of the day today, so I think his body is busy healing itself!

 

April 13, 2013

Small setback today, Lee has a fever, which is next to impossible when on dialysis, so they are working to find and kill the infection. They have also played, in essence, musical IV’s and removed the art and central lines and put in a picc line. He was surprised to learn today was Saturday, apparently he lost a few days during all of this!

 

April 14, 2013

Lee’s numbers look good today and his fever broke. Those are both big checks in the win column. We are very blessed that he has such a great group of doctors and nurses looking after him.

 

April 15, 2013

To my untrained eye, Lee seems better. His color has improved and his diet has been upgraded to full liquid so he gets things like cream soups and malt-o-meal. Of course, his numbers are still all over the place, not as stable as we want, but, he is moving forward. It is slow progress, but progress nevertheless. Please continue to send your prayers for Lee, and for his doctors and nurses and us! It’s been a full week in the ICU and there isn’t an end in sight just yet.

 

April 16, 2013

Lee had a rough day, but he was weaned off of one specific med, and this allowed us to stop dialysis. Tomorrow we should have new lab numbers to review, and the CRRT (dialysis) machine won’t be far away, but we are really hoping that his body is taking over and he won’t need more than a few hours a day, if at all. He is so ready to get better and be out of the hospital!

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April 17, 2013

Day 10 in the ICU and we are still showing progress, but it’s hard. Lee is struggling with pain and aches and today he went down for a traditional hemodialysis treatment. Please just keep him in your prayers.

 

April 18, 2013

Today Lee had a CT done for pictures of his internal organs and tomorrow he will have a Swan-Ganz right heart catheterization. (They will inset a small tube into the right side of the heart and arteries leading to the lungs to measure function and blood flow.) This will help get a full picture of what is going on inside his body and his doctors work on his treatment. Prayers please!

 

April 19, 2013

Lee is being transported to one if the UNTSW hospitals, not sure which, probably St. Paul. This will provide more specialize care. Sadly, I don’t think he’s well enough to really appreciate the helicopter ride, but the Care Flight staff will take good care of him.

 

April 22, 2013

Lee’s kidneys are doing better today, that’s a blessing and tomorrow they are going to attempt the right heart cath again. Hopefully they can do it this time. Everyone is ready to know the results of that!

 

April 23, 2013

I’m taking Mr. T to Diva Dinner tonight. Against his will. Good times ahead! On another note, on paper Lee is doing better, his kidneys and liver are responding. Sadly, he’s had a rough night and an even rougher day, he’s just out of sorts and very uncomfortable. He does have a small infection that they are fighting, but otherwise, looking good. On an even better note, more depts. have signed off on his transplant, so we might be able to get his case in front of the board for review and approval this week! The LVAD is also in serious discussion.  Prayers!!

 

April 24, 2013

Lee ended up being sedated and put on a ventilator yesterday evening and then had a contrast CT done. Found nothing on the CT that required surgery & he made it through the night! Prayers do work! He has developed a higher fever, so he is currently packed in ice and they are keeping him sedated while he is on the ventilator. Please keep sending prayers for him, his doctors and staff and family. Let me know if you have any questions! Thanks!

 

April 24, 2013

Lee’s fever broke! Yay! The ice blanket has been off for hours and he is running normal. The docs plan to do the right heart cath, no matter what, tomorrow (fingers crossed!).

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April 25, 2013

On another note, Lee’s fever came back, but has stabilized. The docs have decided not to do the right heart cath and just proceed forward with the surgery for the LVAD. Lee’s condition is hour by hour, but if he stays stable, they will do this tomorrow. Blessing!!! Also, today, his file is going before the transplant selection committee at St. Pauls. Please pray that he gets approved for his heart transplant!

 

April 25, 2013

Please pray for Lee’s surgery. Tomorrow he will have the LVAD installed on his heart. This is a very high risk operation but there is a surgeon willing to take it on and we are hopeful. He’ll have a rough couple of days afterwards, but this should help him while we wait on transplant options.

 

April 26, 2013

Please keep praying for Lee. We just got a report that the surgery is going well. He is still open on the table, but the device is installed. They are doing dialysis to cleanse his blood of the toxins and meds. Should only be a few more hours. Thanks!

 

April 26, 2013

Please keep up the prayers. The right side of his heart didn’t hold up when they put the device on the left side so they have had to go ahead and put an assistance device on the right side, too. They are still running dialysis to help clear his blood, and it should be a few more hours. Thanks guys!

 

April 26, 2013

Surgery is over. They will be watching him for bleeding and stabilizing vitals. They may go back in as early as Sunday and try to take off the right side assist device. He survived the surgery! Another victory!

 

April 27, 2013

Please be praying for Lee who is back in surgery this morning due to his assistance devices. Thanks

 

April 27, 2013

Lee just got out of surgery. Had to replace the LVAD unit. Took off the RVAD but added an Ecmo to oxygenate his lungs. They are filling up. The Ecmo will basically bypass his lungs to give them time to heal. I haven’t researched that item yet! Please keep praying!

 

April 27, 2013

Well, Lee no sooner got done with surgery earlier and they took him right back in. The oxygeninator (I made that word up) that was working his lungs wasn’t balanced with his LVAD. Considering they haven’t ever done this combination of equipment before, they are paying real close attention and pulling out all the stops. Please keep him in your prayers.

 

April 28, 2013

Lee was bleeding a lot last night, so they had to open his chest again to pack it and try to stop the bleeding. They will leave it open so they can go in and repack as needed. Please say a little prayer as you read this!

 

April 28, 2013

Sunday was a day of rest for Lee and he had a pretty peaceful day. His chest is still open and packed and probably will be while he is on the Ecmo, but that has allowed his lungs to begin to heal! Thanks to everyone for their prayers!

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April 30, 2013

This morning Lee is back in the OR and they are removing all of the packing, cleaning out his chest and doing an antibiotic “Paint” job inside before they finally sew his chest up. It’s been open for a couple of days now, so this is really good news that they can close him up! The LVAD is working well and they are keeping him on the ECMO a bit longer. Please pray for a successful closure this morning. Thanks!

 

April 30, 2013

Lee made it out of surgery this morning, but he’s been rushed back to the OR due to bleeding. Please continue to keep him in your prayers!

 

April 30, 2013

Lee had a busy day. Had surgery to close his chest, was rushed back in when he “sprung a leak”. It appears that closing the chest put more pressure on the organs and machines than expected, as once they opened him back up, everything was normal. So, now his chest is open (a bit more than before) and he is packed up again. They went ahead and installed a defibrillator on his right side, just in case, but as of now, only his left side is getting assistance. Also, prayers have been answered because he is off the Ecmo and back on the ventilator. Please keep the prayers coming! It is still a very touch and go situation.

 

May 1, 2013

In the wee hours of the morning Lee was back in the OR having the ECMO put back on, the right side if his heart just wasn’t keeping up. It was a success and he is back in his room, chest open and packed up. The doctor is thinking of waking him up later today. Please keep praying for him and that his heart will hold on.

 

May 1, 2013

The doctors have taken Lee off all of the anesthesia and we are waiting for him to wake up. He needs to wake up and be able to follow some basic commands and then the doctors can go before the transplant selection committee tomorrow with a good report. Please keep in mind his chest is still open and packed and he is back on the Ecmo, and he has just been through so very much. Today’s prayer is for him to wake up! Thanks!

 

May 2, 2013

Please keep Lee in your prayers as we are still waiting for him to wake up properly. They are calling in a neuro consult and will possibly do bedside CT tomorrow. Let me know if you have any questions and thanks!

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May 3, 2013

Today’s prayer is for Lee’s liver to function properly. They think the liver is causing some of his sedation issues. So, we’d love for his liver to start working better so we can see if he will wake up properly. Today he will have another procedure and they will remove the packing in his chest, give him an antibiotic paint job and then repack his chest. We appreciate all of the prayers.

 

May 4, 2013

Just got done seeing Lee. We still need lots of prayers for his liver! He is also back on CRRT, but that’s okay, his kidneys will bounce back. Come on liver! Work! Please and thanks!

 

May 5, 2013

Please keep praying for Lee’s liver! I talked to the nurses and they said we can post Get Well cards for Lee in his room. If you need an address please message or text me. I think he would enjoy hearing us read them to him!

 

May 6, 2013

This morning Lee has some GI bleeding issues that they are working on, and he is going to have a CT scan done soon. Please pray for the healing of his body. Let me know if you have any questions, and I’ll update you when I have more info! Just keep sending up the prayers!

 

May 7, 2013

Thank you all for your love, support and prayers. Today we released Lee from life support and he had a very peaceful transition to Heaven. My family and I are so grateful to all of you who have said prayers, thank you very much from all of us from the bottom of our hearts.

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I Love Jesus, but I Drink a Little

Okay, this has been on my Facebook, and I finally watched it and, Oh.  My.  Goodness.

If you haven’t watched it yet, stop and watch it now!

Tell me that you didn’t almost pee your pants laughing over all of that!  Sadly, Gladys has passed away, but she sure did represent the Lone Star State!

You’re Welcome!

You can follow The Ellen Show on YouTube here.  That’s who owns the video I shared! 

Blessing Bags and Coffee

Let me start by updating you on my 40 Random Acts of Kindness before my 40th BD!  I’m just so super excited about this.  I love helping others, but what has really made this worth while is showing Mr. T that you can change the world, one small act at a time.  As I’ve mentioned before, several of the items are low or no cost, because I wanted to drive home the point to everyone that you don’t have to have a lot of money to make a big different in someone else’s life! You can see the full list here.

Today we dropped off a case of water at the local fire station.  This is the Fire Department that responded when mom and dad’s house caught fire when I was 7 mo pregnant and was storing all of my stuff at their place. So, they have a special place in my heart.  We ended up just leaving the case of water at the front door, as I couldn’t get in and didn’t want to go wandering through the fire house! But, Mr. T enjoyed it – he felt good leaving them a surprise!

RAK Firetruck

If you took time to read the list, you’ll see that I crossed out “make a care package and drop it off at a homeless shelter” and made a note that I changed this to Blessing Bags.  If you don’t know about Blessing Bags, they are pretty awesome!  The goal is to make a little bags to keep in your car to hand out when you see a homeless person, sometimes I’m just not comfortable handing out money, so this is a great alternative.  These bags are all over Pinterest if you are interested, (and you can follow me by clicking on the link to the right!)

I read through some of the ideas and then headed out.  I did my grocery shopping with my handy dandy calculator on my phone and discovered that I was going to come out $30 under budget… so it was time to start! I bought what I could at the grocery story and then headed to the Dollar Store to fill in the gaps!

blessing bagsI grabbed brown paper bags and a case of water.  Then I grabbed:

  • Kleenex,
  • moist wipes,
  • lip balm,
  • snack crackers,
  • granola bars,
  • toothbrushes and paste,
  • combs and
  • band-aids.

I put out a call on Facebook that I was putting these together and taking donations of supplies and my mom responded almost immediately.  I picked up a big bag of sample size shampoo’s and lotion’s (Read: gathered up from all of the hotels she and dad has stayed at!) and I get to add those to the bags as well!  I’ll get the first 20 bags put together and these will go with Mr. T and his youth group at church the next time they go downtown to distribute food to the homeless.  I’m pretty excited.  Due to my mom’s donation, for about $2 each, these bags should be full of items to help someone out.  There is food and water to feed their insides.  There will be lip balm and wipes to take care of their outsides.  I have found a bible verse to put on a gift tag to help feed their soul.  I think that covers the basics.  And, hopefully, they will be appreciated and something that will last longer than cans of food.

Anyway, I’m pretty darn excited about it! I’ll keep a couple in my car to hand out, too.

Lastly, let me address the coffee part, since it is part of the title of the blog!

My Keurig broke several days ago.  I spent time trouble shooting it on Google, I called and spent 30 minutes on the phone with Keurig customer support and they finally let me know that it was not fixable.  Ugh.  They did offer me a “discount” on a new unit.

Well, after a little more time on Google and varies on-line retail shops, I discovered that their “discount” could easily be beat!  And, not only could their discount be beat, but I could get a different color…

purple keurigHello lovely!  Let me tell you – this beautiful purple joy was worth suffering through 3 days of decaf coffee!

Text Message From my Dead Brother

I know, I know, it sounds morbid.  Just stick with me for a minute.

One thing you should know about me is that I tend to save some text messages.  Some are funny, some are touching, some are for reference and some are just sentimental.  Just like at home where I tend to toss or donate a lot, I try not to be an electronic hoarder (hello, that’s why I have Pinterest!), so I will go through every couple of days and clean out my messages.

Last night Mr. T was sitting next to me doing his homework and since I didn’t want the TV on distracting him, I’d been playing on my phone, which can easily keep me busy for an hour or more! I checked Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Word Press.  All caught up on my social media I moved on to my text messages and began going through and deleting recent messages that I didn’t feel the need to keep.  I was making great progress and then I hit the bottom of my page.

A text message from Lee.

Let me tell you about this text message.  We had let go of Lee earlier in the day and we were all there as he transitioned peacefully to Heaven.  After we got home from the hospital there was so much to deal with – as a reminder, the back bedrooms had flooded a few days before and I was making arrangements for the floor to be checked and the massive fans and dehumidifiers to be picked up, and then the task of moving all of the furniture and items back into the bedrooms and closets.  I was also contacting mom and dad’s cleaning lady and their yard guy to come by and help get things in order in anticipation of guests coming by to offer condolences and then the family arriving before and after the service.

By the time I got home that evening I was mentally and physically exhausted and I had no sooner crawled into bed when my phone went off signaling a text message.  I picked up my phone and it was a blank message from my recently deceased brother!!

Look – see that empty bubble?  What would you think if you got a BLANK MESSAGE?!?  Naturally, after I ruled out electrical phenomenon associated with spirits trying to communicate with me, I figured my parents had his phone.

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Like I would be able to sleep after getting this!

You can see what I replied! Shortly after my reply back to them, here is what came through:

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Okay, that’s better!

You can see that there were texting me a picture to email my sister who was putting together the tribute video for the service, and pictures take longer to transmit, so it came through after the blank message did.  It wasn’t my brothers spirit trying to connect with me, and well, I’m not sure if I’m relieved or disappointed!

The next day I was telling dad about my reaction and he goes “I told your mom it would freak you out.”  I had to whip out my phone and show him how it came across and the blank message that was the first to hit.  Again, how am I supposed to NOT freak out over that? We all got a good laugh out of it!  I told them I sat there and stared at my phone for several seconds while my brain tried to process it all before reality set in and I realized what was happening… And then getting the rest of the message made more sense!

So, needless to say, I still have the text message from my dead brother and I think I’ll hoard that one just a little bit longer!

Tomorrow is the Heart Walk and our family will walk united in memory of Lee.  And while I’d love a sign from him, I’m just as happy if it doesn’t come in the form of a text message!

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Kate’s Heart Walk Donation Page

I’m trying, I’m really trying

I’m trying to stay on top of everything.  I’m trying to read all of your blogs and offer up my thoughts in your comment sections.  I like the interaction.  I’m trying to stay on top of Facebook and see what is going on in my friends lives, and to like and comment as I need to.  I’m trying to get through all of my emails, both work and personal and answer accordingly.  I’m trying to check my phone frequently and listen to voice mails and answer texts, heck, I’m just trying to answer the phone!

Today it’s hard.  Lee has been in the hospital, in ICU since Sunday night.  Yes, it’s only Tuesday, but it feels like longer.  His gallbladder needs to be removed, and apparently, it is painful.  Those I’ve heard from that have gone through this have told me how painful it is, and Lee is in that pain.  It’s worse for him due to his cardiomyopathy.  And, seriously, they can’t keep him on enough anti-nausea and morphine.  When I’m in the room, the anti-nausea is the most important.  Every time he grabs the pink tub, he looks at me and goes “Sorry Kate.”  I guess it’s good that he knows he’s not allowed to puke in front of me – or at least he understands that I will puke right there next to him if he does… Is that TMI?  It feels like TMI…

Did you know that a kidney doctor is called a nephrologist? Yup, I learned that today, too.  Lee’s kidneys aren’t working.  This is vital for surgery, but after meeting with the doc it was decided that the reduced function is primarily due to his heart condition, not due to dehydration, so we aren’t going to delay surgery due to reduced kidney function.

The hardest part of this is that Lee was doing so very well.  Amazingly well.  And then past couple of months have just been one beating after another.  Gout.  Diabetes.  Gallbladder. It’s hard to see him in the hospital bed and not knowing for sure that he’ll leave it.  It’s hard to see my mom fight back the tears when we get more bad news.  It’s hard to hear my dad say that he just doesn’t think Lee has the fight left in him that he needs.  It’s really hard when I have to agree with him.

So, I’m back home after having spent all morning in the ICU with Lee.  I’m trying to get my work done – and just can’t focus.  So, instead, I’m sharing with you! His surgery is scheduled for tomorrow (Wednesday) at approximately 1 pm.  I’ll go back tomorrow morning, like today.  It worked out well, T and I left at the same time, he walked to the bus stop and I drove to the hospital.  🙂  There are a lot of issues working against him, but he has such a great team of doctors.  Several of these doctors we’ve been working with closely for the last 8 months and the new ones we’ve just encountered come highly recommend and we’ve gotten really good impressions from.  I won’t stay for the surgery, I’ll come home and wait to hear from our parents.  And pray.  I’ll be doing a lot of praying.

On the plus side – Erica had her baby today!!!  Graced my Emilie now has a little baby brother, Landon.  8 lb. 4 oz. 20″.  The funniest part is, last night we all made predictions on the size of the baby on Erica’s FB… and she was spot on!  Her prediction was the right one!  I think she had inside information…

Growth

Did you read my Facebook post?  Are you aware that my wonderful son created a secondary FB page in order to hide his activity from me?  Have you read any other post by me and realized that he was never going to get away with it?  LOL.

It’s been several days since I took away his iPod, Xbox, computer and removed the internet from his phone.  It’s been a weekend of growth.

I took him to his grandparents on Friday, as he was spending the night with them so I could go spend the night with my Amy.  It was worth it!  Pam joined us and the three of us went and got tattoos.  Took forever, but, alas, I don’t pick from a book anymore, I tell Bailey what I want and he has to draw it for me.  But, he’s done great on the past couple of tattoos, and I trust him.  We planned this trip because he’s leaving the shop where he currently works.  I wanted one more by him before he left.  Yes, I have multiple tattoos – judge away! 

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No Worries! I’ve worked very hard on this for many years. I’ve earned this one!

It was fun hanging out and just having some girl time.  We all needed it.  

I picked T up Saturday morning, I needed to run to Target and T needed some new jeans, so we also hit Kohl’s.  It was a good trip and even though we were running errands, we had fun together. T decided, since I had plans with another friend, he could just stay at Grammy and Papa’s again.  

Twist my arm… So, I left T behind and then took off to spend the afternoon with Karaboo.  We had no plans; we just had free time and wanted to do something!  Well, Joann’s Fabric was having their pattern sale… $15 patterns for $1.  You can’t beat that!  Plus, I had asked Karaboo to help me make a Halloween costume!  She’s a talented seamstress.  I really wish I could sew.  I think that it’s mainly the fact that I run out of patience.  We had fun picking patterns and fabric, and we got a good start on my costume.  It’s cool to see it all come together! We ended the night having dinner together with her husband.  It was a great night!

Sunday, I spent the day alone nursing a toothache. We’ll skip that day!

Today is Monday, and it is a school holiday.  T and I slept in.  We made waffles together for breakfast.  I warmed up some left overs for lunch.  We ran to 7-Eleven for movies and munchies.  When it was time to return the movies, well, I decided I could afford to pick up burgers!  I’ve told you before, but time in the car with T has its benefits.  On the drive T told me that it was weird to drop Facebook cold turkey! He had just started really using it and then he had to stop.  

I told him that I have a specific time frame in mind for his punishment, and after that time frame, it’s up to him.

He knows that I’m waiting for the admission of wrong-doing and an apology.  Today in the car he admitted that he knew I was waiting on that and he told me “I thought about just saying I was sorry, and that I understand, but, I don’t know that I’m ready to say it.  I want to make sure I mean it before I say it.”  I told him that I didn’t think he was ready to say it yet.  That he needed to fully process it and understand what he did was wrong.

I was so proud of him.  He isn’t willing to just give me lip service to get his privileges back. He’s working on being a better person.  I had this weekend to reconnect with my friends on an individual level and was able to celebrate the progress I’ve made in my life. 

I hope that we both keep growing and keep counting our blessings.  And I hope that I will always have moments with T that blow me away and leave me wondering “did that just happen?”