Google is Not Your Friend

I’m an expert Googler.  Yes, it’s a real word, Google it.  Okay, I don’t know if it’s a real, real word, but you know what I mean, so that counts.

Image

Having a world of information at our fingertips is not always a good thing.  Let me just tell you up front, if you don’t feel well, don’t check WebMD.  Just trust me on that one.  But, that’s not my point.  My point is that I don’t know that the information overload is what is best for us. 

While I am a very optimistic and happy person, I’m also a realist and like a lot of information.  I like to be well informed.  I had a friend call the other day and was surprised when I didn’t know an answer to something.  She said that I always know everything – not that I’m a know-it-all – we cleared that point up, but that I’m a veritable fountain of information.  Jack of all trades, master of none is how I refer to myself.  (Of course, I use it positively, vs. the negative connotation that is frequently used in that context!)

I enjoy a cup of coffee at my elbow, my laptop in front of me and my fingers flying over the keyboard as I search for one thing or another.  I do frequent searches as it relates to work.  I do even more searches when it comes to personal time.  Just yesterday I searched for the following information: home office deduction, standard tax deduction, how to spell elicit, brain natriuretic peptide, and pneumonia with heart failure. 

Needless to say, some of the answers were not what I wanted to hear, err, read.  I’ve mentioned before that Lee, my 27 yr. old brother has congestive heart failure (CHF) brought on by his cardiomyopathy.  We hit the 6 month mark just the other week and he’s holding his own.  In a few months they will go in and implant a defibrillator.  The next step after that is to get him on the heart transplant list.  That’s the history.  He’s living with mom and dad currently, as that is just the best situation.  I’m getting back to my point, I promise. 

So yesterday mom came downstairs and turned on the living room light, and then went “eek” and turned the light back off.  Apparently Lee wasn’t feeling well and had gotten up and dressed and gathered his stuff so that he could go to the hospital with her that morning (reminder, mom works at a hospital).  He was sitting on the couch, resting, in the dark, waiting for her to come downstairs and he startled her.  I’m sure “startled” is putting it mildly. 

Image

They drove in and stopped at the ER.  I got a call from dad about 9 am to give me the update and ask me to go let the dogs out at their house in about an hour.  The rest of the day was me passing along updates to my friends and family.  In order to do that, I had to Google some terms.  You know those terms that you just know – but those that don’t deal with CHF wouldn’t know.  So, when dad texted me ‘BNP=1000, severe heart failure=900’ – I know that means that Lee’s hormone marker shows he’s past severe heart failure – this is the point where he would be turning blue.  But, I had to be able to dilute that and make it understandable for friends and family.  So, I Googled brain natriuretic peptide to make sure I was explaining it correctly.  My next text from dad was ‘current DX is bronchitis/pneumonia’.  Okay, diagnosed with upper respiratory infection and a lung infection.  Well, that’s not good.  A lung infection interferes with your breathing, makes it harder for your heart to pump the blood to your body.  Huh, that can’t be good to someone who already has a weak heart.  Now I had to Google the combo of CHF and pneumonia. 

Yeah, I shouldn’t have done that. 

Now, I know I’m not the only one that does this; I frequently get texts from friends telling me they shouldn’t have Googled.  One friend in particular I frequently have to tell to just “Step away from the Google.  Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!”

Image

This leads me to the only conclusion that is logical: Google is not your friend.  It will not call you once a year to wish you a Happy Birthday. It will not send a Get Well card and it will not randomly call to check on how you are doing. 

So, Google, as much as I love you, I need a break.  You just aren’t my friend. 

Sitting in the Dark

The light bulb went out in my office.  And it stayed out for about 2 weeks before I finally decided I was tired of working in the dark.  And, actually, the only reason I went to change the light bulb was because I had to pull the ladder out to change out the battery in one of the smoke detectors.  Why do the batteries in the smoke detector ALWAYS fail at 2 o’clock in the morning when I’m trying to sleep?? 

So, I changed out the batteries in the smoke detector and took the ladder to my office and turned off the fan, unscrewed the light bulb cover and took out the bulb.  I had grabbed both an energy efficient bulb and a regular you’re-going-to-hell-because-you-are-ruining-the-environment bulb.  

Image

Do you see my problem? Why on earth is the light bulb in my ceiling fan NOT standard?? Why would Lowe’s do this to me?? Needless to say, I sat in the dark for several more days.

On Black Friday, my mom, my sister and I were out shopping, at the reasonable hour of 9 am and eventually made our way to Home Depot.  I was like “light bulb!” and pulled the old one out of my purse to compare it to the selection along the wall (yes, I carried that stupid light bulb with me for weeks on the off chance I’d remember to replace it).  I found the replacement, a 2 pack, which is good since I have a total of 3 ceiling fans just like the one in my office – and I grabbed an appliance bulb for my oven (the light in the oven has been out for months – don’t judge – it scares me!)

I got home and later the next day, I put in my new bulb and attached the light bulb cover.  All was well.  

Until I made the mistake of pulling on the chain to turn down the fan… 

ImageThe light bulb cover came hurling down at me! I screamed and threw my hands up over my head and ducked! Mr. T came back to the office with a quizzical look on his face, and at this point – it was funny and I had started giggling – nothing like a good giggle when you realize that you’ve survived another catastrophe!  It was a happy-to-be-alive type of giggle.  Mr. T just looked at me, asked if I was okay and went back to gathering up his stuff for school.  I know that he was smirking at me – I could feel it as he left the room.   

So, the view from my desk has been an ugly bare bulb – I’ll spare you the picture, even though I took one – until yesterday.  I was on the phone with my boss and went and pulled out the ladder, climbed up and reattached the light bulb cover.  Then I pulled and tugged on that sucker to make sure I had actually tightened the set screws enough to prevent it from coming crashing down on me again like Halley’s Comet! Just to be safe, I haven’t pulled the chains, I’ll wait until Mr. T gets home and make him do it! 

Yeah, that just happened, I am saving the mildly dangerous issues for my son to test out first.  Winning!!!