I No Longer Have Control

of my bladder.  TMI?  Yeah, I know.  But at least you aren’t living it! And if you are, please let me know so that we can be miserable together!

As you probably know, I’ve been sick.  Mom said tonight she thinks it might have been the flu.  I refuse to believe that, and I do sound so much better, but I still have a horrible cough.  I mean horrible.  It’s loud and it’s gross.  I laugh and I cough.  I breathe in too fast and I cough.  I think too hard and I cough.

The cough has taught me something, though.  I learned the other day just how fast my legs can clamp together!  I’ll be walking through the house and all of the sudden I feel a cough coming on and my knees slam shut.  I’m sitting in my chair working and feel a cough come on and I clinch. I’ve gotten to the point that I try and cough when I have a bathroom break – cause hey – already there!

I’ve tried this:


And, I live on these:


And thank you Wikihow for providing examples of how to use those products!

I’ve also been slathering my feet in:

Image and putting on my socks and crawling into bed.  Let me tell you that I hate sleeping in socks.  Oh the sacrifices we make.

And, let me tell you about flavored cough syrup:


However, I think I have found the cure to all of my problems.  Not just my cough, but any problem I might have, or will ever have.


Alcohol.  Cannabis.  Chloroform.  Morphia, Sulph.

Sigh me up.  I bet I won’t care when I pee my pants after taking one dose of that cough syrup.