So, remember My Ex, who wanted to mend our relationship?
I was open to it and worked hard to remain open, because really, all I wanted to do was slam that door shut. Lock it. Throw away the key. Add a chain. Lock it. Throw away that key. Then put up bricks.
But, instead, I left the door open.
He set up a time to call me.
And didn’t call.
A few days later we connected. Blah, blah, blah. The discussion was had about how no one has time for anything anymore. If it’s a priority, you make time for it. I made it clear, I will never hold it against him if he misses a call, as it shows me where on his priority list I am. It shows me how important this is to him… or not.
So, then he sets up a time for a second call.
And maybe a 3rd call is set up.
After a certain point I’m all:
Now, blog friends, let me fill you in on a secret.
I was really rooting for My Ex. I really, really wanted him to follow through. I know that in the past I have provided many opportunities for him, I’ve opened the door and he hasn’t been able to step through.
But…
I really, really hoped this time would be different. As hard is was for me because I wanted to board the door shut, I was championing his cause to my friends – I knew he could do it! He seemed really sincere and like he really wanted it! I wanted it for him! I can’t tell you how badly I wanted him to be able to make this work. Not for me, but for him. I felt he really needed this and it would be good for him.
In the end, I had to give up. The second time it went 2 weeks past the time he set up to call, and he hadn’t, well, I can only hold my pom-poms so long.
He showed that mending the relationship was not a priority for him. He showed it every time he didn’t follow through. Every missed phone call and every unanswered text. No response is a BIG response in my book.
It is what it is – but I wanted to provide closure for y’all! Sometimes your phone will betray you and FaceTime your Ex and it will lead you on a grand adventure full of intrigue, mystery and suspense! But, most days you’ll just use it to look up dog videos!
Did That Just Happen Blog 
Loved it 😊
Thank you!!
I’m late to this party, and it seems like everything I want to say has already been covered. I definitely agree with Paul above, even though you said you were trying to mend the relationship, not get back together. At the very least, he affirmed why you are not together in the first place!
LOL, so true! Everyone in my life wanted me to just write him off – but I see the potential in him, I see how awesome he can be… but alas, he couldn’t do it. He would set up a time to call, and each time he did it took longer and longer for him to actually make the call. Oh well! It’s not something I can do for him, and I have way bigger priorities!!
Oh Kate, I’m so sorry. I’m sure you’ve heard the “It’s his loss, not yours”… but it definitely is! And honestly, I think your better off watching dog or cat videos which never fail to make me laugh. I say this a bit with caution because a close friend of mine who also tried to make it work out with her ex, but for different reasons, it didn’t work out. I wanted to curse him, but she stopped me from saying mean things against him because she said that I can’t judge him because I’ve never met him (which is true) but I was really hurt for her. So no, I won’t judge your ex either… but I still think your better off watching those videos because you are a lovely person 🙂
Thank you Dean!! The good news is that I made peace with the breakup a long time ago, but would have loved to have been part of his growth, but yeah, I’m sticking to funny videos!!
BREATHE
🌅
Its a new dawn.
Love the video!
Thank you Val! And there was much joy in finding a video to include!!
You are a brave soul. The last time I talked to my ex on the phone he was drunk, bragging about going back to school and crying. That was 8 years ago.
now that was a lot in one phone call!! Fortunately I wasn’t tied to the outcome of his moves, it really wouldn’t have changed my life, but I would have loved if he could have shown he had his act together – but alas, we are weeks past the last “scheduled” call and I haven’t heard a peep from him!
Guess that just proves why he’s an ex. 😉
You’re better off. On a more selfish note, did you see my post from last week?
No, I didn’t… that’s odd, let me go look! I remember you saying something on FB, but my out of town trip threw me for a loop!
Sorry to hear it didn’t work out. I love watching cat videos to take my mind off of things. Well, any fluffy animal video will do. 🙂
I tried to find a funny cat video – but they were all lame!! LOL, so I switched to dogs!!
Dog videos we can trust in!!
i agree!!!!
He’s a self-involved prick. You win big by letting this fish swim around that big ol’ ocean all by his lonesome. #NoMoreWaitingAround xoxo
I agree Nancy – and basically what my analogy was getting at – A No Chance Prick. Ha!
It was a weird situation and I’m glad he is back out to sea!! Thank you!!
You can keep your head high and be so proud of yourself in all this. You didn’t board up the door and be an arsehole, you gave him every chance to be a great person and follow a different path even though his past behaviour had shown you how he was likely to behave. That’s brave! So brave. And then you had the courage to close the door at the right time too and that is not easy either. I think you made good decisions all round. x
Thank you!! I tried because I never wanted it to be said I stood in the way of anyone’s growth, but after a certain point, I’m allowed to look after myself, too! Much love 💜, thank you!!
I think you should delete him from your phone, that way it doesn’t betray you again 🙂
Right?!? And I would… But now I need to know never to answer that number! 😂
Hey Kate! I’m a dialysis patient and I have discovered a mathematical relationship that seems rather counter intuitive. Each treatment I get two large needles, one to withdraw and one to return my blood during the dialysis. The vessel they installed below the skin to needle is a real living thing and it has bad days as much as we do. Sometimes they try to insert a needle and cannot get it into the vessel – called a fistula. It would seem logical that the more often they needle the more likely it is to be successful. However after a great deal of pain and years of experience, I have come to realize that each time they needle and miss, it reduces the likelihood of the next attempt succeeding. I have suffered up to 9 needles along with 9 freezing needles and one blood work needle (total 19 needles) at the end – without getting a needle into the fistula. That is all within 3 inches of my left arm in a 2 hour period. I went home without dialysis.
As the years went by, I gradually got it through my thick head that I had never gotten a successful needling after 3 needles and that needle 3 is very seldom successful. I started packing it in and going home after 3 – that is now my limit. Lo and behold, the dialysis department bought a new technology – called single needle dialysis. Now if they can get even one of the two needles in, they can change up the circuit (that cleans the blood) and do a dialysis with one needle (it withdraws, cleans and returns blood instead of circulating it).
And the moral of the story Kate is that I have found that relationships are the same as dialysis needles – if they don’t work the first time, they are 92% unlikely to work.If they don’t work the second time, they are 99% unlikely to work and if they don’t work the third time they are 100% unlikely to work (given the people remain the same and no epiphanies are involved.) That’s my observation. 🙂
That’s an excellent analogy Paul, and one that sadly, we all probably learn the hard way! I’m grateful for the experience and the lessons learned – and knowing exactly where my limits are! Great observation!
Kate, I got goosebumps while reading this. As you probably guess, I can totally relate. I have so often wanted my stepkids’ Mom to engage with them, to realize what great kids she has and how lucky she is to be a Mom. I would hope, so often, when I saw an inkling of interest that yes, this would be the time she may grow and begin to embrace some things that are such gifts. No luck. It is painful to witness and engage with this energy. You took the high road, Kate, on this one. You provided the opportunity. The failure of another to not engage with an opportunity is not your issue.
Thank you for the validation Kim! It feels good to have you in my little village, helping me grow! And I love that even though our stories are so different, the lessons are so similar!! And thank you, I worked hard to provide the opportunity!! It totally went against my nature and I did it anyway!! LOL 🙂
When I read things like this story you shared, it gives me a better understanding as to why you are aware of certain things. You have experienced this energy, so you understand the toll it may take and how it requires us to be very balanced, with open (yet protected) hearts 🙂
Epically relate! We could chat for hours on this topic! We are very similar and I love it! And you’re so on point with this post!
Thank you!! I was trying to be as non-biased as I could, and still bring humor to a situation that I know countless others have gone through before me – it can be hard to hold that door open for others!! Also, thank you for letting me know you found it on point, I worked hard picking the right words for this! 🙂
Well, he’s obviously missed the boat, and you have to know that there are plenty of more worthy fish in the sea, Kate. Hope you have a great weekend. 🙂 xx
Thank you, and you enjoy your weekend, too!!
This is a big WIN for you . . .
Knowing where we stand with others is liberating.
Allows us to readjust our priorities accordingly.
YES! That’s it exactly, while I never would have initiated any contact (on purpose) it really does give me freedom I didn’t realize I was missing!! Thank you Nancy!
I’m sorry it turned out that way, but I am glad you got confirmation of where he is and where you need to be. ((hugs))
Thanks! It was good to be able to erase any doubts out of my mind! Cause you know that’s where our minds go!! LOL
His loss!! I totally agree actions speak louder than words. On to newer and more fabulous pastures xxx
I agree!! I was proud of him for trying, but alas, a leopard doesn’t change his spots!
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. I’m worried about YOU and not him. I hope this experience was not too hurtful.
However, why are you sure this was something that he needed?
It didn’t hurt me at all – it was more of a slight pest to try and keep my schedule clear so I could take the phone call… and then the excessive rolling of my eyes when that call didn’t come and I waited for it! LOL. I am notorious for not waiting for anything – having my stories happen because I didn’t wait!! LOL