And This is Why I Hate Yoga

I had a credit at a store so I ordered a yoga DVD.

I love the idea of yoga. The reality is different.

Let’s start with the one that sounds easy:

Child’s pose

Now, my forehead can touch the mat and my butt can touch my heels.  But not at the same time.  I was alternating between butt in the air or chin jutting out trying to touch the mat with that.

It gets better.

Let’s move onto Seated Spinal Twist:

I did the first side pretty well.  Then it was time to switch sides.  For the life of me I could not get my one leg over the other leg and after extra maneuvering, I managed to finally get into position… and that was when the move was over and she was “moving back to center.”

Sigh.

But wait, there is more!

The next one was called Pigeon Pose.  Yes, it was just as much fun as it sounded, if getting pooped on by a Pigeon sounds like fun to you.  Because I was a few steps behind, I heard her call it out, and by the time I looked up, she was in this pose:

 

I told the TV that it was nuts! Then I tried to figure out how to modify that move.

There are 20 more minutes of the DVD left.  I’m a bit scared.

If she asks me to do this next picture, then I’m selling this DVD.

PS.  I’m not using a DVD by any of the people pictured above, they were just the first pictures I ran across.

PPS. Currently I hate all of you yoga people.  You know who you are with your hot yoga and your couples yoga and your aerial yoga.  You all suck.

PPPS.  Fine.  I don’t hate you.  I think it defeats the purpose of the previous 42 minutes of yoga that I’ve done if I invoke hate so soon.

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60 thoughts on “And This is Why I Hate Yoga

    • Dr. Melissa West – and not surprisingly, she’s in Canada! I started with Namaste Yoga 55, 56, 57 I think – and now I’m going back and doing them in order – except when I see a good one and then I’ll jump around.

      She really is exactly what I expected yoga to be and I am so jazzed about it! You should try it!!

  1. i am a yoga nazi but this cracked me up. the more you do it the easier it gets. i don’t even think i want to try that last one, ever. i do recommend, if you can, going to a studio to make sure you are in the right alignment, it may not hurt so much. hilarious. oh and I thought I was following you through email and apparently was not. now I am. catching up on your stuff! .

    • You know, I’ve hesitated on taking a class because I know I’m still so new, but as I’m doing the moves, I’d love to learn how to step from down ward facing dog to lunge without completely breaking stride! LOL. My belly gets in the way and I bet there is a modification out there that I just don’t know… It beats the fives steps I have to take in order to make that transition!

      And no one in their right mind should ever do that last move! 🙂

  2. Renee and I tried a yoga video in our basement once! First of all, we looked ridiculous, but when you’re trying to relax and hear nothing but kids on roller skates buzzing past your ears, it kinda takes away your zen!;)

  3. I did HOT Yoga one time and it was the worst thing ever. I almost blacked out twice and the instructor told me to get in child pose, which to me meant fall down and lay on my back.

    Hot yoga is the only work out I’ve ever quit!

  4. Kate – you crack me up!! lol
    You know I’m a yoga teacher don’t you …..
    Everyone’s body is different and could use assistance at the beginning. Thank goodness you didn’t hurt yourself.
    p.s. the gal at the end is double jointed!

    • I didn’t know you taught! And you know that from here forward I’ll be coming to you with questions! (Which naturally you don’t have to answer!) Fortunately, I’m really good at pushing my body, but knowing the limits, and I’m comfortable modifying my moves in the beginning, and possibly the middle!

      Thank you! Its so good to know that the gal at the end isn’t something I have to strive for! It makes me feel so much better to know that!

  5. I so enjoyed this. I especially liked the names of the links to the various poses. Great fun! Especially since I wasn’t trying to get into any of them. haha

  6. OMG, I saw this yesterday….too funny, and you so brightened my day! Your DVD, is it for beginners? Pigeon pose is a little advanced for trying to get someone hooked on yoga. haha I promise you, a class with a teacher to help you modify in the beginning rocks and there’s no judgment. Pretty soon you’d be a pro without modifications. 🙂 PS ~ I have been known for having heated convos with the yoga lady on TV too. You can’t do that in a class, but you can think it!!. hahaha Great read!

  7. hahahah this is so funny. i have the Wii YOUR SHAPE thingymabob… i always very colourful words for the virtual instructor. The game scans your body with a camera so it records the accuracy of the moves and the thing is always telling me that if i want to know how to do the move correctly, i need to watch the tutorial. i’m thinking my thighs are too big for the camera to detect anything

  8. You’re allowed to hate them a little because I do too after the DVD session that almost killed me. 🙂 Okay I’m probably more jealous because I fell over doing anything more than a warrior pose.

  9. Trust me, I can’t do any of those poses the way they look! Child’s pose? Ya, my butts in the air! Seated spinal twist? Not a change. My foot doesn’t even touch the mat. I LOVE the pigeon pose because it stretches out your glutes and hips – I sit at a desk all day so this feels fantastic for me. Keep your mind open and optimistic and enjoy a real class, not a DVD. It’s not personable at all…
    ~Your fellow blogger friend 😉

      • I hear ya! My belly gets in the way too. Try not to be discouraged by that. You may not be able to go into the full position but you are still doing the stretch that is good for your body. I wish I had the confidence to post my before yoga – I can show you that your not alone!

  10. I’m cowering as I write this..don’t slap me Kate! haha. You would do well in a class with an instructor. There are so so many modifications you can use and props, like blocks or straps, to help you ease into the pose. The goal is not to do it just like the instructor or any other super flexible person, it is to reach the edge of YOUR limit and sink into it. That last pic of the crazy crow pose is insane!

    • I’m really good at modifying to fit my body, and I was really proud of myself, there was only one point where I got behind and had to stop and just breathe for a moment! They were moving too fast for me, I couldn’t switch poses that fast!

  11. I’m rolling!! You know I have visions of doing yoga all graceful and stuff, never quite so. Sort of like I have visions of running gracefully down my street when each time I try, I just look out of sorts. And this is why I like you, we would probably be cracking up had we been doing this together. In my head it’s always so much better.

  12. Too funny! I fall into your PPS and PPPS groups. I love yoga, because I like to challenge my body and the stretching is very calming. You’ll be amazed at how more flexible you get as you continue.

    • You’re one of them!!!!

      I’m sure I’ll get more flexible as I go, the problem I have is moving from plank or downward facing dog and they say “bring your foot up to lunge position” or ‘bring your foot up between your hands” or anything where they want me to, in ONE MOVE, bring my foot forward. That takes me three moves! LOL

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