What Do I Do?

What do I do when I’m no longer “Mr. T’s mom”.

That thought just hit me.  Right this instant.  I am standing in the kitchen with my laptop, using it to look up the recipe, and during the downtime I was catching up on personal emails and such.  There was an email from the choir director at church regarding the next drama meeting.  I don’t perform, but Mr. T does and I was copied on the email because – hey – Mr. T’s mom here!

I was copied because we go everywhere together.  It’s been just the two of us from the very beginning, so there wasn’t much of a choice most of the time, but I am used to it.  I have learned how to juggle a hungry toddler at the grocery store, a whiny kid in the toy store and the sullen teen at the mall.

What do I do when I don’t have to?  A few weeks ago Mr. T said that soon I won’t have to be copied on the emails because we can just take separate cars to church and he can stay and I can go home.

Excuse me while I go pick my heart up off the floor before it gets stomped on any more.

When Mr. T told me that, I just put my hand on his head and told him that would never happen, he would never drive anywhere by himself because he was to stop getting older.

It wasn’t real to me then.

It is real to me now.

Gotta go, he just called. Time for me to pick him up!


He should just stay like this – I’m just saying.

60 thoughts on “What Do I Do?

  1. Oh, I just felt a little blip in my heart. I don’t want to think about that with Jake. He actually said to me yesterday, “Mom doesn’t it feel like this school year has gone by so fast?” And I said back, “Jake, the last ten years since you were born have gone by too fast” I SOOO get this one Kate!

  2. This made me choke. I can’t think about it. I’m sitting in bed with my computer on my lap and my littles all tucked in, and I feel like I’m going to burst into tears. I’ll blame you for the super-sized puffy eyes tomorrow morning. And that picture!

  3. It’s a while away for me, but these pangs still hit me occasionally. I wonder, if they knock me for six now, how they will feel when it is time. It makes me respect my own mother so much more, because when I left, I was hardly aware of her upset. For now I just can’t think about it 🙂

  4. *StrongNewMe* says:

    My stepkids were so young when I first met them that I have a bit of a hard time as they are growing up too. The oldest is learning to drive, and I remember him being practically permanently latched to my lap. I like watching them play and just be kids, for as long as that can last.

    • I agree! I want them all to enjoy being a kid and doing kid things! And I have loved every phase of T’s life, and all of the new things we got to do, and I really do have a life of my own, it’s not like I will be lost in a few years – but man, when it hit me that my name was going to change, I can admit that my world tilted off axis a bit!!

  5. jeff7salter says:

    very poignant post, Kate.
    Be comforted in the knowledge that Mr. T will grow to be a wonderful father to HIS kids… because of what he learned about parenting from you.

    • They do! And while I get the whole circle of life and I know I’ve raised a kid that can succeed out in the real world… it’s still not cool!

      Of course, having written this post, I probably should add that Mr. T has already decided that his first year and a half of collage will be at the community collage down the street and he will live at home to save money for when he attends a University… So, it’s not like I’m losing him tomorrow!

  6. It reminds me of the abba movie when Meryl Streep stomps her foot and says “Stop growing” … I remember the day I went shopping the first time w/out my girls. I’d looked forward to it for months …. but it wasn’t the same anymore. It’s now boring.
    My eldest started High School this year and has since “changed” into a teenager … this mum isn’t coping!

    Bottom line – loved your post, sending you hugs, you’re not alone!

    • THANK YOU! I appreciate it Iris! I will admit, that I force Mr. T to go shopping with me sometimes… I think I have to wean myself! It is boring! We spend so many years with the constant company, it is not an easy adjustment! And I’m so glad that I’m not the only one that is having coping issues! 🙂

    • It’s not easy, that’s for sure! But, the night I wrote this post, we had to go to a Cheer meeting and one of the cheerleaders walked by and said “Hi Mr. T, Hi Mr. T’s mom” and that just made me smile – I have a few more years left!

      (Mr. T is now a varsity cheerleader, he’s the Mascot)

  7. They do grow up way too fast, don’t they? Like you, I’ve been glued to my son since day one. Even though I remarried a few years ago, most of the time I still feel like it’s just the two of us. Me and him, always has been that way. I can’t imagine the day when he’s not here anymore. Your son driving soon would cause a heart to hit the floor. How does it happen so quickly?

  8. prayingforoneday says:

    Kate my sons are now 20 and 22 and long relationships with girls. We are no longer their be all and end all. It hurts like hell. To see our kids grow up is hard.
    I have two daughters 3 and 4 (Nearly 5) and they are growing too fast. So I enjoy the time now.

    Chin up, your boy will always love his Mom..


    • It’s good to know he will always love me! And yes, very hard to watch them grow up, and let them make their own mistakes, but it’s also good if we get to see them recover from their mistakes because we’ve taught them well (or at least, I really, really hope I’ve taught T well enough that he can recover! LOL)
      Thanks Shaun!

  9. oh, what a great picture. funny how they can make off hand comments like “we can drive to church separately” and you stand there, thinking “Oh my goodness, you really don’t need me in that way any more!” It is liberating and sad at the same time.

  10. I feel for you! Though of course, you will always be Mr. T’s mom no matter what happens. My T is back in play-school and the first few days, I stood in our house not knowing what to do – totally clueless. It also felt a bit like losing an arm, you feel it’s there, but it really isn’t there anymore. I’m getting a bit used to her not being with me 24/7. She’s so cute, every time she goes out she tells me “I promise I won’t be long” and when she comes back she tells me that she missed me!

    • Awe!!! That’s so sweet!!!
      Mine has started calling me “Kate”. He did it at first when we were in public and there were a lot of people, cause in his mind “That way I’d know I was the one he was talking to”, but now he’s doing it at home, too. “Hey Kate” “Kate”. That’s all I hear anymore!

  11. Oh God, just drive a knife through my heart. I can’t tell you how to deal with that, I can’t even imagine my little one going to school. I can tell you that you need to take care of you. Get yourself back into the world of stuff you like to do, instead of just being a mom. You have to let him go, but you can try and make it a little easier on yourself.

    • Fortunately, I have a very active life of my own – but even last night at a school meeting I heard “Hi Mr. T’s mom!” and realized that I just won’t hear that for much longer! I may just tell all my friends that in a few years, they’ll have to spend a day calling me Mr. T’s mom instead of Kate. 🙂 Get my fix in!

  12. First, I love that picture of him!! Second — Just knowing his personality, you will ALWAYS be that boys Mom, lol! Because you two have always been thicker than thieves I think you will always have a very close and very special relationship. Especially because of who you are – you two have fun together, you can talk – even about the big things, and he respects you. While there will be a day that you aren’t as close by proximity or aren’t needed in the same ways, I think you’re relationship will just take a shift and you’ll be just as close, just in a new way. 🙂

  13. I am not ready for that! The only thing I look forward to them growing up is when I don’t have to pick up their mess off the floor. And maybe, just maybe, I look forward to when they can get me a bottle of beer from the store. hmmm.

  14. For me it was the act of moving each into their college dorm rooms the first time.

    I still tear up when I think about it. Yes, they’re still your son/daughter after that moment, but the truth is, everything changes in that moment.

    Pardon me while I bawl my eyes out now.

  15. I had so many lovely retired men and women today at our naval museum each tell me how fast it goes as we would walk by them. I could almost see the longing in their eyes. I am living it and it still catches me by surprise. Hang on tight to those pick-ups! xo

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