I No Longer Have Control

of my bladder.  TMI?  Yeah, I know.  But at least you aren’t living it! And if you are, please let me know so that we can be miserable together!

As you probably know, I’ve been sick.  Mom said tonight she thinks it might have been the flu.  I refuse to believe that, and I do sound so much better, but I still have a horrible cough.  I mean horrible.  It’s loud and it’s gross.  I laugh and I cough.  I breathe in too fast and I cough.  I think too hard and I cough.

The cough has taught me something, though.  I learned the other day just how fast my legs can clamp together!  I’ll be walking through the house and all of the sudden I feel a cough coming on and my knees slam shut.  I’m sitting in my chair working and feel a cough come on and I clinch. I’ve gotten to the point that I try and cough when I have a bathroom break – cause hey – already there!

I’ve tried this:

Image

And, I live on these:

Image

And thank you Wikihow for providing examples of how to use those products!

I’ve also been slathering my feet in:

Image and putting on my socks and crawling into bed.  Let me tell you that I hate sleeping in socks.  Oh the sacrifices we make.

And, let me tell you about flavored cough syrup:

Image

However, I think I have found the cure to all of my problems.  Not just my cough, but any problem I might have, or will ever have.

Image

Alcohol.  Cannabis.  Chloroform.  Morphia, Sulph.

Sigh me up.  I bet I won’t care when I pee my pants after taking one dose of that cough syrup.

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52 thoughts on “I No Longer Have Control

  1. I can SO relate to the uncontrolled leakage brought on by the hacking cough. Well, also by laughing really hard, sneezing or doing jumping jacks. It’s a crime what child birth does to our bodies! 🙂

    p.s. that cough syrup looks like my new favourite thing in the whole wide world. I must find this.

  2. Oh my WORD! I have tears running down my face! I dread coughing, sneezing, jump roping (jumping rope?), jumping on the trampoline, and almost anything else that might cause me to wet my pants! I blame the 4 kids for it, not my age!
    Also, I’m not sure what year they stopped making that cough syrup serum delirium, but if you stumble upon any, let us all know! I’d fake a cough just to try some! (cough cough)

  3. When I worked in our other building at work, there were three offices on opposite sides of the main room. All of us in the offices are women over 45. At any given time, you may hear a loud sneeze followed by the word “Still dry”!! 😳
    I feel for you.

  4. Oh noooo 😦 I’m sorry you’re sick! AGH! I send you healing voodoo ~ ~ ~
    As a bonus, though, that effort you’re putting into not wetting yourself is exercising your kegel muscles which can be helpful in… other situations. Like when you are all healed up 😉
    I hope you get to feeling better soon! And I’m right there with ya on grape flavor– what the heck?

  5. Beans are good for kidneys.
    Excess will weaken them. In moderation and prepared correctly, they strengthen kidneys.

    myholistictable.wordpress.com

    This blog plays second fiddle to my first and will remain under its shadow, but people have found it very useful. I haven’t been able to build it much, but I hope you do too.

    Blessings.

  6. prayingforoneday says:

    Could be reflux..
    At night elevate your upper half so the acid stays down and I would speak to your Dr about an Anti-acid, a prescribed strength. I live with this (Along with 101 other things) 😀

    Hope you get better soon… x

  7. I hope you are getting better! And yes the kegels would be really useful! Most women experience it early I think, with child birth and all… As for your cough, cut down on cold water and citric foods. Drink more water and get more rest! Take care Kate!

  8. *StrongNewMe* says:

    Yuck, so sorry you are sick! I saw in a comment above that you haven’t seen a doctor yet. Do I really need to lecture you and tell you to go to the doctor? When I had a horrible cough, I was given a prescription cough syrup that worked really well but made me sick to the stomach, but it doesn’t have that effect on everyone. After that I was given something else that slowed the cough down so I didn’t feel like I was at death’s door! In other words: call your doctor, young lady.

  9. This is too long to be sick. A real bummer.
    I had a cough back in Oct. or so. It lasted a while. I felt like my throat was constantly itching and it was hard to sleep. I finally went to the doctor, and he had to proscribe something. I was so happy when the cough went away.

  10. Aww, the best last post to read before bed, hilarious! And peeing pants seems to have creeped up in a few posts today, including my own. Things that make you go “hmmm”. 😉 Love the instruction on how to insert a cough drop. lol! hope you feel better soon miss kate!

  11. Oh boy …. I feel for you! <> coming your way!
    Have you considered whether it could be reflux related? But a “normal” cough can take up to three weeks to fully disappear 😦
    Not a great start of the new year, but I hope you feel better very soon!

      • I have heard that the cough can take longer to go away, but I’m also really considering seeing a doctor soon, cause the cough is violent enough that it’s worrying me just a bit! Plus, better meds! 🙂
        I had to giggle at the online-hug-thief comment! that’s was such a funny way to put it!

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