Happy and Sad

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So, something happened the other day (like it does frequently around here) and I have mixed emotions about it.

I broke a record on my blog.  It is very exciting news!  I had a day where I had more views than ever before – and it was awesome! It means I’m reaching and touching others with my life and stories.  I mean, that’s the whole reason we blog, right? It’s cathartic and we feel we have something to share with the world.  What better validation than breaking the record of most views in one day?

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This graph has surprising powers over us sometimes!

I am not obsessed with my stats, for the most part, as I really do enjoy writing and I love the comments and conversations that get started.  I will tell you, though, that on this particular day, I quickly became obsessed with my stats.  As soon as I saw that number rising, I was checking it frequently.

Not for the reasons you may think.

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The best example of mixed emotions I’ve ever seen! 🙂

The old record for most views in one day was held by the post I did in memory of my baby brother who had just passed away.  That post was by far the most gut wrenching blog I have ever written – I bawled almost all the way through writing it – and the fact that it held the record for the most views in one day was a comfort to me.

On this particular day, I began checking my stats page like a fanatic watching the number rise.  I was alternating between being so excited that I was getting so many views and “oh wow, it’s going to break the record” to being upset and saying “oh no, it’s going to break the record!”.

The it happened, the record was broken, and I put my phone down.  There was no longer any need to check the page.

Just like in life, things change and we have to move forward.  This was a very realistic example of how my life has to move forward and how nothing stays the same.  It was very tangible to me on that day as I watched my stats change every time I picked up my phone that life was not meant to stand still.

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For those new to my blog, you can read my memorial of my brother, Lee, here: Then He Kissed the Back of my Hand.  

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29 thoughts on “Happy and Sad

  1. Congrats on breaking the record! Your blog is wonderful, I love getting to read it and get a glimpse into your life….here’s to many more record breaking posts for you in the future 🙂

  2. I can so understand your mixed feelings. Lee was and will always be number 1 for you. He would be excited that his big sister is moving forward with humour and hasn’t lost herself to grief. Big hugs.

    • Thanks Holly! It was a very bittersweet moment, that’s for sure! And, it really was a big moment for me to realize that I am moving forward – and that it is okay. Then, I talked to mom yesterday, and she said that Lee had really been on her mind lately – and I felt badly, cause I’ve blogged about him a couple times lately!! (She doesn’t blame me, never even suggested that – but still – I’ll have to ask her if that makes her grief worse, cause I don’t want to do that!)

      Anyway – obviously I’m still conflicted! LOL But still moving forward.

  3. I love that you shared Lee’s journey with us those many months ago. It’s a true memorial to him. Your numbers will only continue to grow because you are a great lady who is honest and so easy to relate to!

  4. I remember reading that post about your brother after seeing the struggle at the end through your eyes. I had only just found your blog, but I still remember the overwhelming sadness yet beauty of a precious memory.

    Hope you are doing well, and I am happy more people are discovering how awesome you are. 🙂

    • Thanks so much Sarah! I appreciate the kind words, truly! and thanks, too for recognizing my awesomeness. hehehehe… kidding! I think next time the record breaks I’ll be able to celebrate and appreciate it more!

      Have a great weekend and enjoy cleaning the stove!

  5. Congrats on having a big day of blogging! And I too remember that post about Lee, it was very touching. And I second what Larry said … Lee is more than just a blog post. Blogs will come and go, he has a special place in your heart forever.

  6. Firstly, I am glad that your blog is growing and your numbers going higher. I try not to obsess over stats and at times I don’t. However, many times I check them way more than is healthy. I am curious what post drew the most recent big numbers.
    I do remember the post you wrote about Lee and it was powerful.
    His loss is still so recent and clearly very fresh in your mind. I suppose this feels like another way of losing him. However, it was only a post. I don’t say that to be cold. What I mean is that you have so much more of him than this. And as you say, time moves on but it doesn’t take your memories.

    • Thanks, and you are right (and not cold at all), it was just a post, and it’s okay that the record was broken because I have so much more of him. It still took many, many days before I could even write this post – and I still cried! But they were healthy tears!

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