3 Months, 2 Tickets and 1 New Roommate

Happy Pre-Friday everyone!

Twice in the past month I’ve been asked if I miss blogging.  And, I do and I don’t.  So instead of pondering it, I am taking it as a sign and shooting off a quick note to y’all.

1 new roommate.  One of Mr. T’s friends has moved into my guest room.  Over the summer there was no telling who was going to come walking out of that room, but that settled down when one of his friends lost his place to live.  The kid is working and going to school, so I’m happy to provide him a safe place to stay.  No matter how weird it is to have another person in the house!

2 red light tickets!  Count them, two!  Mr. T is now aware of places where he frequents that have red light cameras.  He and I talked about it, he felt that he has just gotten complacent behind the wheel. I had to giggle, because he is the most conscientious driver I know, the tickets surprised me to no end.  Needless to say, he’s been coming to complete stops here lately!

3 months… well, I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months.  That still feels weird to say.

Dating. 

But, it’s been fun.  It’s been different.  I’ve enjoyed it. We communicate, a lot.  In a healthy way.  We go get froyo almost every Friday night (frozen yogurt for those that aren’t constantly surrounded by teens and 20 year olds!)  and we go on adventures.  We’ve toured Texas Motor Speedway, and he’s met my family.  Which as you know, my family counts as an adventure some days!

I was emailing a friend the other day, and she was awesome, when I told her that Adam, his name is Adam by the way, and I were in no rush, she goes “I think time and going slow is good for you now. These past couple of years have been such states of transition. You probably are also getting to know yourself in all of these new dynamics.”

Yes, yes I am getting to know myself again.

Speaking of new dynamics.  Mr. T has graduated high school and started college at a small private university downtown.  He knew that he would be living at home his freshman year, so he sold his Expedition and bought a Prius hybrid.  I am so proud of that kid, he saved up his money, he planned ahead knowing that this purchase was coming and he pulled it off!  Since he was commuting, he wanted to save as much money in gas as he could – and even with adding a car payment, the car payment and gas for the Prius was less than gas in the Expedition!  (And the Expedition went to a woman who it was a true blessing for, that was not planned by us, but you could tell there was a Higher Power involved on that deal!)

Day 2 of college was also his 18th birthday.  My lil’ bit is no longer little.

I’m actually okay with that.

So, that’s my 3, 2, 1.  What’s up with you?

 

Reblog: Then He Kissed the Back of my Hand

Apparently I found the limit on the number of times WordPress will let you reblog one of your own blog posts… Today is the 3rd anniversary of my baby brother’s passing, and so I took some time this morning to re-create the story to share, spend some time with my own thoughts, and just reaffirmed how fast life can change and how important it is to stop and spend time in the moment.

Love you all, and now back to the story.

*******************************************************************

My parents always knew that they wanted to have 2 kids and to adopt.  So, after me and my sister, they began looking to adopt.  They wanted to adopt a special needs kid, provide a home to a child that might be overlooked.  They were aware of their own limitations and knew that they wanted a child with a physical handicap.  We took sign language classes together for a while when we thought we were getting a deaf sibling.  That fell through and in the end, we found out about Lee.  Lee had a little red triangle that appeared on his forehead above his nose when he cried and got upset.  The Koreans considered that a handicap.  It was meant to be!

<a Lee at Universal Studios, he’s so strong, he is lifting up the A-Team Van with one hand!

His Korean name is Man Ho Ha and we picked him up from Dallas airport when he was 6 months old.  He was ours from the time he was a month old, but we couldn’t get him until he was 6 months old.  It was amazing.  A Korean woman had traveled with him and several other babies and dropped them off at other stops, and Lee and one other child, a little girl, were her last stop.  We passed him around our arms while at the airport and just couldn’t keep our eyes or hands off of him.  It was a memory that will always stay with me.

He was named Jayman Lee.  Jayman is spelled slightly different from normal so that we could incorporate his Korean name in there – and Lee is a family name.  We just called him Lee.

Through the years, as a good older sister does, I tormented him! I curled his hair and my other sister dressed him up.  Good Times!  Since there is 10 years difference between he and I, we were pretty close.  When he got older, I always took him school supply shopping.  We had season passes to Six Flags for many years.  Apparently, when he and I were younger, I thought I was also his mom.  He would bring home papers from school that were subpar and needed a parents signature, in order to keep him out of trouble I would sign his papers.  Then mom and dad would never know that he didn’t do well.  Yeah, uh, they found out anyway.

It was 10 months ago that he was diagnosed with viral cardiomyopathy.  You have followed my journey with him here on my blog.  After the initial diagnosis, he did good.  We had a few set backs, but overall, he was doing really well managing the condition.  We did have a few scares along the way, but he always pulled through.  In fact, our aunt commented at a family function “you don’t look sick.”  Yeah, she’s that aunt.

Lee’s Senior Picture

A little over a month ago he started not feeling very well.  His meds were adjusted, but he knows is body, and he knew when it was time to go to the ER.

He never left the hospital again.

This kid was amazing.  He took everything that was thrown at him.  We didn’t think he would survive the gallbladder surgery, but he did.  Then he was transferred to UT Southwestern, which is one of the best hospitals for cardiovascular issues.  He seemed to be getting better, but then stopped.  I can’t tell you how many times we were told “he may not make it through the night” but he did.  When he went in for his LVAD surgery, again, we knew he might not survive, but against the odds, he did.  I’m so very proud of my brother for all that he went through and how well he handled it.

There was a Tuesday that I went to visit him in Dallas.  He took my hand and held it.  He told me how much he loved me and how glad he was that I was his sister.  He said that he knows how much crap I put up from him over the years and he was so glad that I was always there to support him.  He also mentioned how thankful he was that I could spend so much time with him in the hospital.  He acknowledged that it couldn’t have been easy for me, but that he wanted me to know how much he appreciated it, and me, and how very much he loved me.

Then he kissed the back of my hand and sat there holding my hand.

That’s the last conversation I had with my brother.

Lee with our nephew

That night he had to be put on the ventilator.  A week later he coded and slipped into a coma.  This Monday, he had a CT scan and we were told that there was swelling in the brain due to damage and that the doctors would not be able to fix that.

It was time.

This Tuesday we gathered by his bedside.  Mom, dad, my sister, my grandmother and I.  We held his hand, kissed his head and said our goodbyes.  When we were ready, we called in the doctors and nurses and they turned off his machines and left us in peace.  We stood by and talked to him, held his hand and we cried as he passed away.

Lee transitioned peacefully to Heaven surrounded by love.  We let him know how much of a blessing he was to us, and that we were letting him go.  He didn’t take long to pass, and we all knew when it happened, you could see the peaceful expression, it was so nice that after such a trying journey, he had found peace.

Last picture of me and Lee, at the hospital

Today we have been busy making the arrangements.  Lee will be cremated and we will have a memorial service this Saturday morning.  I’ve been in contact with family and friends and have been absolutely amazed at the outpouring of love and support I have received.

Lee was well loved, and for a pain in the butt brother, he was pretty darn awesome.

Thank you all for being part of my journey with Lee.

The Day I Said a Bad Word

There are two things y’all need to know about me.

First, I don’t use much bad language.  I’ve seen all the meme’s:

But I’m from the school of thought that is more:

(and the “-Me” credited in that quote is not Me, I found that on the internet and couldn’t track it back to the original source!  If you said this, let me know!)

And the second thing you need to know about me is:

Yes, I’m that person!

Now that you know these two things… let me tell you how they relate.  And if foul language offends you, well, you shouldn’t have clicked on this blog when it is clearly about a day I said a bad word!

So…

The other day I got a text from my buddy, Bert.

So, that happened. My phone betrayed me.  It accidentally Face Time’d my Ex.

And I said a really bad word!!

And while I’m saying all the bad words in my head, I am sending my Ex a text and literally it says

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you, I was asking Siri to beatbox for me!”

Because that doesn’t sound fake AT ALL!!! 

But, he called, and I answered, and I kid you not, told me all about his day – like it hadn’t been years since we had talked!  Like it hadn’t been years since we had talked and he had said he was going to call.  And never did!

Okay, so this is my Ex from a long time ago, and while we weren’t together long, it was an intense relationship, and while I had the utmost respect for him, he and I both will admit that towards the end, well, we were young, tempers were strong.

For the most part, it’s been fine.  We work in the same industry but not in the same State (most of the time) and while we have run into each other at functions, it is rare.

And let me tell you, I swear I could be a secret agent, I am awesome at ducking and eluding capture!!

At least, I am, until my phone decides to betray me!!!! 

Back to the story.  My phone betrayed me.  I talked to my Ex.

For like an hour.

He wants to mend our relationship.

Not get back together, I was able to determine that in that phone call, but just to mend our relationship.

I know that inside my head I was reacting like Dean Winchester – “no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no no.  No, no. No”

What came out was “Sure, uh, let me process all this, but I can be open to it”

So that just happened.  And so far I’ve been really grown up about it.  A few friends that I’ve talked to have commented at how grown up I’ve been and how I’ve been handling it so very well, really mature about the whole thing actually.

I changed the ring tone for my Ex to dogs barking… cause he could still be a dog!

But no one needs to know that!!! 🙂

 

 

 

January Recap

I can’t think of a catchy title for this blog… and since it will be a smorgasbord, I figured that “recap” is fine.  Okay, disclaimer over with it! Let’s get started!

One of my SMART goals this years, under “Personal Betterment” is

I welcome January 2017 in as a sharp-dressed woman, as I have made an effort to be more presentable, and accountable in my attire and stepped outside the house always dressed for success.

Honestly, I really thought this was a good idea.

And I’m not ready to abandon it yet… but…

Yeah, that happened.

This month, we celebrated my mom’s birthday with a family gathering.  Mr. T had to work, so he spent time with her and dad earlier in the day and had a pleasant lunch with his grandparents, but since I was busy, I wasn’t there and don’t have any pictures – so we’ll start with a picture I snapped of the two of them a few days prior!

They were having an intense discussion! Cassius, Lee’s boxer, came over for a visit, and if you look closely, even Shorty was taking part!

It was a fun gathering, and at the end of the night, it was time to take some pictures!

The best part was when Grammy wanted some pictures with her grand-kids.  This is what we posted:

This is the behind the scenes of what all we have to go through in order to get just a few good shots! I am sure this is something most of y’all can relate to!!

Notice how we were all jumping in to help.

Yeah.  Not so much.  We are more of a sit-back-and-laugh family!!

Remember that I mentioned being busy that morning so I couldn’t join Mr. T during his visit with his grandparents?

Boom! First 5k of the year done! *happy dance* Heroes for Hope run benefiting St. Jude Children’s Hospital.

BA ran with me, and after we had cooled down, grabbed some food and water, I checked, and they didn’t have a computer set up for us to check our official times, but they gave me the site I could log onto later – and then pointed me in the direction of the guy that had the print out!

I did not medal.

Well, if I’m not getting a medal, then we could go.  Not going to lie, there were 30 more minutes to go until the ceremony, and I couldn’t hang!

The next day I got on and checked the official time.

I did not medal, BUT…

I knocked 3 minutes off my race time!! 3 minutes y’all!!  It was insane!  I did start way too fast, and it came up and bit me in the butt at the 2.5ish mark, but again, I’m just amazed at the love of runners, I was struggling, and another runner came up beside me and slowed down, told me I could do it – and then stayed to run with me for a bit!  She and I kept together for a good bit, and it felt good.  I love the sense of community that has come with running, I really do!

As long as I was checking my time, I pulled up BA’s time.

And then I called him and asked “When I was checking the time sheet for me – did you happen to check it for you?  I think you medaled.”

No, he hadn’t checked the sheet, so I contacted the race coordinator, and sure enough, BA came in 3rd place in his group!  They are mailing his medal – it took several hours for it to really sink in with him, but all of the sudden, I think I can convince him to run with me again!

 

 

 

 

Tense

First, let me apologize.

I am not a niche blogger.

If you came here because I once wrote a funny post,

a running post

or maybe a cooking post

– and you wanted more of that, on a consistent basis, this might not be the place for you!

And, I truly feel badly over this!  I’d love to write about running. Or cooking.  And heavens knows I’d actually love to be funny!  But alas, I’m a storyteller.  I spin a good yarn.

But that is neither here nor there – I just felt the need to get that out!

Plus Eye of the Tiger is totally my Power Song and when I saw that e-card, well, it had to be utilized!

But today I want to talk about tense.  And this doesn’t fall into any category listed above!

noun

1.

(grammar) a category of the verb or verbal inflections, such as present, past, and future, that expresses the temporal relations between what is reported in a sentence and the time of its utterance

I was talking to a colleague the other day and said “It’s okay, I can say that, my brother was Korean”

He WAS Korean. Like overnight he all of the sudden wasn’t anymore.

I was trying to say that my brother is no longer with us… but he is still Korean, dead or alive – and y’all I have let this twirl and twist around my head for days… I am not sure how to relate that my brother is Korean, but no longer with us, without going into a massively long explanation!

Am I the only one that runs across stuff like this and then freaks when they can’t figure it out? Or, fingers crossed, has someone figured this out for me already?!? Is there an answer? A cheat sheet? Anything? Cause the tense makes me a bit tense!!

Happy Tuesday everyone! 🙂

The Waiting Game

 

 

 

 

 

 

While this post doesn’t have any details, I am NOT doing a vaguebook, er, vaguepost.

I’m not sure vaguepost was a thing before, but it is now!

Because we all now I’m such a trendsetter.

But I am stuck in a waiting game!  Like an endless loop of waiting and waiting and waiting.  And waiting

Have y’all met me? Type A control freak that makes a decision faster than most should ever be made? Yeah, me.

I don’t like to wait.

So, I am opening myself up to the experience that will eventually make its way to me, and I hope to learn something in the process. I am practicing letting go – which in my case, is that I’m not attached to the outcome.  And I’m doing pretty good at it…

But seriously, who drags stuff out? Don’t tell me on Monday you’ll call this weekend… I want to know now!!

This is life altering stuff.  Don’t make me wait!

Okay, maybe not life altering.

Okay, not life altering at all, pretty much not important to anyone besides me and like 2 people, but that’s not the point!! Waiting should be on the list of cruel and unusual torture punishment!

Look! I found a gif of Dean Winchester – waiting!  It has been way too long since Supernatural made an appearance over here! (And oh my gosh, they came back from their midseason break with a bang!)

So, on one hand:

Okay, I’ll wait.  But on the other hand:

Well, I don’t want my chance to go by!

But then, there is patience, and well, that applies to every day (and I’m way better about acting good while waiting!)

(I don’t think this post should count towards how I act when waiting… but, if you can’t see me constantly tapping my foot, then it might not be happening – so maybe this post isn’t me being impatient and bringing y’all along for the ride, maybe I’m just sharing my life!)

Who am I kidding – I’m impatient and bringing y’all along for the ride!!

I sense my new motto!

Happy Wednesday everyone!

And yes, all is well, no one is sick or dying.  And in the grand scheme of things, I’ll have forgotten this by next week… the point really is just how I’m not a fan of waiting! When I went back and read this, I realized I might need to clear that up!

Experience Matters

Want to know a secret?

I didn’t go to college.

Well, I didn’t go to more than 1 semester of college.

We moved. Life happened.  Shrug.

I never really worried about it, there have been a couple of jobs that wanted college degrees, but we were able to count my work experience in lieu of a degree and I have managed to get along just fine in life.

This this started happening:

Acceptance letters have started coming in for Mr. T.

Our lives have been very focused on what colleges he wants to attend, what colleges are good fits, the program offerings, the degree program, what can he take at local community college and scholarships!

Lots and lots of scholarships!

The other night I attended a FAFSA overview at school.

College preparation checklist.

I’m pretty sure I will never be prepared!

Santa brought him a dorm fridge at Christmas.

And he got a small vacuum, lots of tupperware and some command hooks.

Time to get ready for dorm life!

This is a great experience, and if he gets good scholarship money (can we all just pray for this, please?) he’ll most likely be required to live on campus.  And we are excited and ready for this!

But the other day, we were talking, and he goes, “I’ve narrowed my selection down, I want to go here, and I don’t think they have dorms, so I’ll be commuting.”

Okay, not going to lie, I am totally okay if he lives at home while attending college.

But I understand that experience matters – and I want him to have that experience.  I don’t want him to limit himself.  I want him to keep his options open, we haven’t even done FAFSA yet, so we have time.

I imparted to him how I didn’t want him to deny himself the opportunity, to deny the experience.  It was important to me that he do what he wanted, we would figure everything else out.

And – as often as I marvel at this kid – sometimes he actually reminds me that he IS mine after all, and he let me know, that the “experience” didn’t matter, his goal was to go, learn, and do what he needed to do in order to get what he needed to succeed in this world.  That he has been researching and talking to administration and other teachers, and he thinks that he has found the best route to take.  So, we talked about it.

It made sense.

We returned the dorm fridge the other day and got a gift card instead.  And that gift card will be set aside until it is time, and he can decide if he needs a fridge or if there are other supplies he will need for school.

I guess experience is what we make it.

The Golden Apple

Loved this blog by Spirit Lights the Way!  I have read a few of my blog friends who are reaching for their authentic selves and discovering some push-back, and this shows us all why it’s important to keep to our true path! Love the line about stop worrying about our reputation with acquaintances! If you don’t already follow her, go stop by and enjoy The Golden Apple today and take a moment to just be mindful of who, and where, you are!

Source: The Golden Apple

We Can’t Hunt Moose

Me: I’m just so over everything. Let’s move.
T: Move where?
Me: Jamaica.
T: No
Me: Well, where do you want to move to?
T: Alaska
Me: Alaska is boring. There is nothing to do.
T: We can hunt moose
Me: I think they are a protected species, we can’t hunt moose.
T: Did I say we were doing it legally?!?

Yup, that’s my kid!

I finally got the picture back from Senior Night, when I got the privilege of walking Mr. T across the field.  It was pretty awesome!

You will never have this day with your children again.  Tomorrow, they’ll be a little older than they were today.  This day is a gift.  Breath and notice.  Smell and touch them; study their faces and little feet and pay attention.  Relish the charms of the present.  Enjoy today, mama.  It will be over before you know.  -Jen Hatmaker.

 

Funny Faces

Hello November! Nice to see you!

It has been a whirlwind October, but I’m so happy to report I survived #Unprocessed October!! I feel like I need a shirt or something announcing that!! I had 3 “exception” meals built in before I started, and that helped remove some of the stress, but I still faltered.  But, here’s the deal, because of the heightened awareness, when I did falter, I was able to identify the trigger at the time, so I am totally taking it as a win! I was able to see what situations lead to what food decisions – and that was very insightful.  And yes, I lost a few pounds.  🙂  so… #winning! And yes, I’ll probably do it again next October!

This was a unique October full of grand adventure.  We said goodbye to my beloved Grandfather, and then I think I spent the rest of the month making funny faces to a camera.

Don’t believe me?

We had several pep rally’s, and here is a great shot of Mr. T after one of his performances… he was awesome, he slowed his walk down so I could snap the picture!  Love that kid!

And then we made funny faces!  And were photobombed by the cheer coach.  It was pretty much greatness… even if Mr. T and I were totally out of sync on the face making!

BA and I went to the Meatloaf concert!

And when I say concert, I use that term loosely, it really is more like a show than a concert – it’s pretty awesome.  Above is the start of Paradise by the Dashboard light… and the end… needless to say, if you know the song, you’ll totally understand why her top is off! Like I said, he puts on a production!

And then we made silly faces!

We had Senior Night at school, before the football game all of the Seniors in activities are honored and get to walk across the field with their family, and it was my honor to be able to walk my son across the field.  I don’t have the actual picture yet, but we snapped one while waiting.  All of the Senior Cheerleaders had sashes made with their names, except Mr. T, he got a crown!

But first, we made silly faces!

BA and I also went to the Cowboys vs Seahawks game.  Man, I just can’t even.

But the cheerleaders were great! That is a positive, and Rick, the other guy in the picture, is pretty much the best host in the world.  We’ve worked together for so many years and he is so generous and shares these tickets with us each year, I’m so very grateful for the adventure he grants me each year!

And happy to have an adventure buddy that will take silly pictures 🙂

So, like I said, I think I spent the last half of the month making funny faces and sticking my tongue out at the camera.  At one point I asked BA if he was going to out-grown going to the games with me… we looked at each other and laughed, I have plenty of evidence to indicate that neither of us plan to really grow up!

How about y’all? Ready for November?